DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

“I did feel in the past much less feminine than how I feel now. Now I am more
realised as a person, I feel more feminine. I got in touch with my femininity more
than before. I don’t know why, it’s difficult to explain this process. When I was
young I was quite masculine, I used to have short hair and be quite a tomboy. That
was a façade of being a little bit masculine was trying to prove myself because I
couldn’t find any other way.” (p.12)
Victoria further described the mending of the rift that a dissonant persona creates
within the self as an experience of inner/outer harmony:
“Now I give an harmonious aspect of myself. [Int: That’s really interesting. What do
you mean by harmonious?] Probably what I feel inside is showing outside. So there’s
a harmony within and without.” (p.12)
Lilly also experienced a more feminine self after her crisis. In the following
quote Lilly actively links being in a masculine environment with her prior lack of
feminine activities, and talks of adopting behaviours since the crisis that allow her to
access her femininity:
“I also learnt how to just be girly with the girls, instead of going to the pub or bar or
whatever - just sitting around painting toenails and dyeing someone's hair. Because I
had always lived with men after leaving home I hadn't really done that and its actually
very therapeutic being with people who always support you because you are the same
sex.” (p.21)
She also spent more time with women after the crisis. Her move to London led to
being closer to her female friends, who before the crisis she rarely if ever saw:
“So I think now it is more about that I am closer to my girlfriends, I have had more
intimate relationship with my girlfriends. We have ongoing current jokes, and when I
came back to London, you get back into those more intimate relationships with
women.” (p.19)
Lilly equated her feminine side with openness and the admission of vulnerability, in
contrast to the “toughness” that she valued prior to her crisis:
“I used to find it really hard to ask for help from anyone, and after my crisis I learnt
how to and when to, even though I still don't like it! I see that as a more feminine
trait - how many men will ask for directions? I also found it hard to say if I was hurt
or if someone upset me, and I hated to cry because I thought it was weak. I learnt to
cry a lot during and after my crisis, which some people might think is more feminine,
and how to ask just for a hug or just for cheering up.” (p.20)
Claire described how going back to being a wife and mother was a recapturing
of her sense of being a woman – looking after a house and children was an expression
of her femininity. However, after this marriage failed, she was forced to go back into
a male-dominated workplace and she had to re-assemble the same masculinised
persona she had before. It took her another ten years at least to get out of that work
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