DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

Gemma was also unhappy and dissatisfied in the role of housewife and
mother, and she longed for a more independent life. She described feeling “absolutely
stuck in the worst place I could imagine.” (p.3). She married out of pressure from her
parents to the son of a family friend, who she does not love. She has one child by
him.
Frances was in a relationship with a charismatic but emotionally volatile man.
Coming back from a short trip abroad, she found that he was using their house to
grow marijuana. The crisis emerged while living in this house and constantly
arguing; they were living in the one room of the house that wasn’t used for growing
marijuana. She felt controlled by her boyfriend, and was deeply unhappy. She
referred to “living in literally this bubble of misery. Just horror basically.” (p.5). She
says that she “felt trapped” (p.4) and had thoughts of suicide.
Violet was in an unsatisfying and difficult relationship, but didn’t feel she
could leave because of the two children they had had together. When she was in her
early twenties, she became pregnant by him by mistake. She stayed with him as a
duty to the child, despite having no emotional attachment to him. The relationship
continued without marriage, but became increasingly distressing for Violet over that
time, for she came to despise him – she described him as selfish, difficult and a classic
“passive aggressive”. She becomes more and more worn down by being in the role of
a home-bound mother. She feels locked into the relationship:
“I was aware at the time that it was really a nightmare, and I didn’t see the way out.”
(p.3)
Violet’s sense of being trapped and powerless in this oppressive relationship is
encapsulated by a story that she tells of her boyfriend impinging on her personal space
in a way that she finds particularly upsetting:
“I always have a bath before I go to bed, and my ex-partner used to go out a lot in
those evenings, surprise, surprise. If he was in, this was a couple of nights a week, he
always needed to go to the loo when I was in the bath, and strangely couldn’t wait,
could wait 15 minutes, couldn’t wait before I went. So I would bring myself out of
my lovely, relaxing bath and leave him to it. And what he really needed to do was a
shit, so he would ruin my bathroom experience, but more than that, there were many
times when he was so insistent, he would be – if you disagree to this you are being so
unreasonable. He…it’s horrible…he came into the bathroom while I was in my bath
and did it while I was in my bath; when I was in the room. Now I know some
couples do that sort of thing, but I don’t like it, I never liked it. Basically the guy shat
in front of me against my will, and no protest was enough. Any protest was
unreasonable. He would do this thing, he knew I hated it, hated it, I felt it was totally
unnecessary – what grown man urgently needs to do that. And it was a terrible,
terrible invasion, it’s just horrible.” (p.7)
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