DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

This new spiritual exploration culminates in going on a retreat in Spain, which he
describes as run by “a kind of wacky, new-age woman.” (p.13) Neil interprets his
transformation as changing towards being an open and expanded version of the self
that existed before the crisis:
“I am the same person, just an expanded version with a different dimension to me. I
think people would say the same thing of me, I’m the same Neil at my core, just
reaching now into other parts of me, a fuller Neil perhaps.” (p.19)
Neil contrasts this to the constrained role-based identity that he had before the crisis:
“Yes, much less defined by my position, far more defined by what I am doing rather
than what position I have. It is a less constraining form of identity. You don’t have
to worry about what the role is or what the title is. It does change, it’s continuing to
move on and develop. It’s almost like you get comfortable being uncomfortable.
You get comfortable with not knowing what comes next.” (p.19)
George felt like he ‘came home’ after the crisis, in creating a more settled,
more studious, less self-destructive life. What he learnt from the experience is that
the jovial club persona that he developed was a false self, and that his authentic self
emerged only as a result of a being close to death. The self that was constrained is
now open to life’s possibilities:
“I think what occurs to me is that I was very rigid and very stiff and incapable of
being expansive. I was very single-minded and it is interesting as I look back to it
how tight and constrained that I felt and that’s changed.” (p.7)
Ben refers to “my previous self” (p.7) when referring to himself before
separation with his wife. He concludes that the crisis was a turning point from one
form of personhood to another: “I think I became a different person.” (p.7). He says:
“I had been able to become myself” (p.7).
6.4 Male Cluster: Marriage Crisis (N=2)
The two men in this cluster are Leon and Vern. They both described crisis
episodes which were precipitated by oppressive and problematic marriages. Vern is
32, has one child by a woman whom he does not love but has married in order to be
father to the child. Leon is married with one child, and is 33 when the crisis occurs.
Neither changed their line of work, or altered the work dimension of their life
structures as a result of the crisis. The crisis revolves very much around their
problems at home.
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