DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

Guy relates this behaviour to his social conditioning that specified a masculine
agenda. He says:
“Pre-crisis, I acted the way that I had been conditioned to think that "real men" act.”
(Emails, p.3)
During the crisis, at the most difficult and most emotional time, he finally breaks
down to the point where his traditionally stoic masculine resilience no longer works,
and his suffering leads him to ask for help from a work counsellor, a therapist and
from his rabbi. He said he had never asked for help before. When I asked him why
he had not asked for help before, he answered:
“Because men don’t do that. That’s a sign of weakness! And the whole
environment that I’d come up through was that if you demonstrate any form of
weakness, then somebody is going to attack you for it.” (Interview 2, p.6)
Again here he links his form of pre-crisis behaviour to the fact of his masculine
gender identity, which is linked to a protective persona that is constructed to provide a
defence against attack.
Then after leaving his wife, during Guy’s exploratory period, one of the first
activities that he decides to take up is dancing; a particular form of expressive,
freeform dancing called Five Rhythms. He said that before the crisis he would never
dance. He related this to an early experience in his developing gender identity:
“I also remember when I was about 8 my sister started ballet classes and they
wanted some boys for a performance. I volunteered, and was lambasted by my
mother that "real boys" don't dance.” (Emails, p.3)
Dancing is a new activity that is completely out of character with his prior persona.
Through this activity he finds a new group of female friends. He says that it gave his
feminine side a chance to come to the fore, released from behind the banker persona:
“I would never have discovered dancing if the feminine side wasn't so present at that
time.” (Emails, p.3)
Guy also speaks of becoming “softer” in his relationship with family and society, and
of allowing himself to become aware of emotions. This is a contrast to the hardedged
nature of the persona that he described before:
“I think I brought to the fore in a much softer way the whole thing about family. So
those bases that I had before are reinterpreted, but they are still there, so family is
important, society is important, but I approach them in a much softer way to how I
have previously.” (Interview 2, p.10)
134