DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

Resignation and Passivity
Vern describes how his sense of duty over-rode his own motives and desires,
leading to a mindset of passivity and resignation:
“The thought process I was going through was one of – I didn’t take decisive action.
What I did was just go with the flow, so someone else was taking control of what was
going on. She was pregnant, she wanted to buy a house, she wants to stay with me.
So I put up some resistance, but never really that much. My thought process was very
much one of resignation to the situation which I found myself in. There was a sense
that there is nothing I can do about this.” (p.5)
For Leon, duty to others also seems to result in the self being a passive entity.
He talks about making decisions according to “the prescription for life” (p.6),
showing that he was living according to a received template rather than his own active
decisions. He describes tasks such as getting a job and making money as “those
cringe-worthy male things that get put upon one.” (p.3). By describing these tasks as
‘put upon’ him, he depicts himself as a passive object, rather than an active subject.
Phase 2 – Mid Crisis: Separation and Escape
The common core of Phase 2 for all clusters is separation, and for the two men
in this cluster, separation is from the marriage that has become so dissatisfying.
Severing the Rope of Duty: Separation and Transition
Vern and Leon both remain in their relationships for years, despite wanting
out, as they feel duty-bound to their partners and their children. Vern relates the
moment when he first made the decision to separate from his partner, as a realisation
of re-taking control over his life:
“That was when I thought I am going to have to take control over this situation, and it
took me two weeks or a month, I forget how long, to precipitate the crisis to an extent
where I could actually walk out, but I think that is when the decision was taken.”
(p.6)
Not long after this psychological separation comes actual separation. Vern actually
recalls the moment of leaving his wife as one of ‘escape’, which emphasises his prior
sense of being locked in:
“I mean, I think there was a feeling of I’ve got away, I’ve got out, I’ve escaped!”
(p.8)
He continues the analogy of the “rope” of duty, describing it as now being severed:
“It’s quite liberating when you go, I don’t care, I’m going to do it anyway, you just
cut the rope” (p.8)
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