DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

3d) Separation from
old self
3e) New self
emerging from crisis
3f) Strength and
vulnerability in new
self
3g) Building Self-
Esteem
something in me that was very, very important, and that was a very,
very powerful feeling. I’ve never, ever felt up to that point, so powerful.
And I don’t mean powerful as in reducing another human being to a
quivering wreck, that wasn’t nice, but it was a sense of what I’d done
for myself – I’d validated myself” 13
”I would say that we are two completely different people, I’ve
separated from that person.” 9
“I would say it [the crisis] was of paramount importance for my
separation, certainly for my separation from my previous self.” 9
“I think there has to be a complete breakdown of everything in order to
break through into a new sense of being and freedom. The word
freedom means you are breaking down over something which is
holding you, which is never going to be easy or pain free.” 9
“I was very, very aware that there were conflicting aspects of myself –
enough to make me think that I was going quite crazy.” 8
“The opposite of all those things in all ways, just developing more as a
person, learning to be more assertive, to believe and trust in my
intuition. I didn’t even know I had intuition back then. I’ve got a
stronger sense of my own identity and my sexuality. I can play around
with my power and my control. I never thought I had any power, I
didn’t know what that word meant in my twenties, so just the complete
opposite.“ 9
“I wouldn’t advocate having to go through terrible trauma and crisis,
but its absolutely awful, at the time you think you could never go
through that again, its so awful, but the gain from it in terms of my
sense of self and I wouldn’t eradicate that for a second.” 13
“I was quite vulnerable then, even though I was liberated. I was
vulnerable because I was still a very underdeveloped person, very
naïve, no sexual experience, and was very much open to predators.”
11
“The strength – there is a personal empowerment. Maybe you just get
that when you get what you want anyway, and it is what I wanted, but
it was more than that…but yes there was this accompanying
vulnerability, in that I had let go of some attachments in separating,
and I did have to stand up on my own two feet, and I did have to rely
on myself, and I realised that I was very much still a child, that I was
very underdeveloped as a person, yet I was 31 years of age, yet I had
to go out into the world and be a mother for my children, and start to
build up this new person who I was, and I was made very aware of my
vulnerability, many times.” 13
“That just developed gradually by my own experiencing I guess, by
gradually doing self-esteem boosting things…I got back into work, I
developed my career, I made new friends, had different relationships,
they all kind of added something, and while they could detract from my
self-esteem as well, but there was always a plus to it. It was basically
experimentation – things that felt good, things that felt bad, just
building up a sense of self-reliance.” 10
“My self-esteem could be fairly well inflated by someone else praising
me or giving me some external validation.” 10
4. Learning
Code
4a) Ubiquitous
pressure to conform
Illustrative Quotes
“And what I learnt when I look around is there is resistance
everywhere to growth – its been my biggest hurdle that when I am in
a relationship, or even with friendships, there comes a resistance
from everyone around you to go any further, and that’s been my
biggest problem. Resistance – cultural, societal, and even one to
one, there tends to be a pressure to conform or to not grow, to not go
any further in your levels of thinking.” 12
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