DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

more position, more power, I was being able to influence what was going on and to
me that is how I had been programmed.” (Interview 2, p.1)
A persona is generally formed due to live up to the expectations of others, to
adopt the goals and values that others suggest or demand of you, rather than develop
those in line with one’s own inclinations and passions. Guy several times suggests
that before the crisis, he was motivated in such a way:
“My life before the crisis was about conforming to the rules and what was expected
of me by my wife, children, parents, work colleagues etc. There was little space
for me to be who I truly was.” (Emails, p.1)
“Prior to the crisis, my first actions were always about pleasing others. As a
consequence, I would find myself visiting with so-called friends on a Saturday
night not wanting to be there but pleasing my wife. I would spend the afternoon at
my parents and being bored out of my mind because it was expected. I didn't
do things to please myself.” (Emails, p.1)
Guy describes this experience of his self being commandeered by the demands
of others, using the graphic metaphor of his self being “hijacked” (Interview 2, p.10).
When I asked Guy what he meant by feeling like his self had been hijacked, he replied
that it came from feeling like he his identity had been hijacked by the demands of
others, by conforming to the expectations of wife, parents and work colleagues, which
meant that “there was little space for me to be who I truly was.” (Emails, p.1)
Guy also cites elements of his background that may have influenced his
developing self. His parents had always inculcated in him the importance of material
success and hard work, and he had introjected these as values too. He suggests that
his father’s intensive work-focused lifestyle may have been a role model for his own:
“I thought it was natural to feel exhausted when you come home from work. My
father used to do that, so what other role model did I need to have? You go out to
work, you bring in the money, you fall asleep, your wife gets pissed off with you
and argues with you, yeah, I had seen it played out beforehand, so why should I
think there is anything wrong with that?” (Interview 2, p.13)
Guy’s persona, borne of the need to adapt to his professional role and the
various social pressures he was experiencing, had become all-consuming. There is
evidence that Guy came to over-identify with his work role to the point where the job
was no longer something he had, but something he was:
“Who was I? I was this network director for X Bank.” (Interview 1, p.2)
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