DEVELOPMENTAL CRISIS IN EARLY ADULTHOOD: A ...

treated like a machine: “He would talk to me like I was a machine and I felt he didn’t
think I was good enough.” (p.4), suggesting depersonalisation.
Camilla’s boss and now lover proves to be a very controlling man, and in the
course of the affair tries to restrict her movements and to whom she speaks. She says
her boss “became quite controlling.” (p.2). Camilla’s sense of being out of control
brought a sense of reduced freedom – she felt couldn’t do what she wanted to do:
“I couldn’t express anything, I couldn’t speak freely, I couldn’t have fun, I couldn’t
do what I wanted to do, I couldn’t even move forward. I couldn’t go anywhere so I
was totally stuck. It’s freedom to have the choice, not to do whatever I want to do, I
couldn’t do anything that I wanted to do really.” (p.6)
Phase 2 – Mid Crisis: Separation and Escape
For this group, separation and escape is not from partner, but is from job.
They all leave the work role that has become problematic and constrictive.
Saying No: A Growing Assertiveness
The women in this cluster all start to rediscover a sense of control, which
brings a new sense of empowerment. Lynne admits to lacking assertiveness in her
job. In trying to prove herself in her career, she had not known when to say no, and
so protect herself from excessive workload. She was not ready to defend herself
against the demands of others. She describes herself as being too “pliable” (p.9), and
too afraid of saying no to people at work. One of the major changes she cites that
occurred during the crisis was becoming “more assertive.” (p.9).
Mary reports that in the period leading up to resignation, she “became much
tougher” (p.5) with colleagues and clients about what work she would take on and
what she would decline to protect herself from being overburdened. She would not
say yes by default, which she used to in the past. She had confrontations as a result of
asserting herself more: “I stood up to them [partners and clients] rather than sacrifice
my health.” (p.5).
Having been controlled by her boss during the affair, Camilla decides she must
stand up to him after allowing herself to be passively controlled:
“I tried to break up with him saying you cant tell me what to do, stood up to him and
told him to piss off. I dealt with it by getting tough.” (p.4)
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