Reflections on the Human Condition - Api-fellowships.org

Because living away from home and independent wage
work gave women some free space, they rarely contemplated
returning to their families in the rural areas. Women
felt that women’s social and sexual behavior was much
more circumscribed in their home communities. The
social freedom was therefore valued highly by women;
although in Malaysia, Muslim working women were
reproached by religious elements for working away
from home.
Many changes have taken place since these studies. In
both countries, there are no longer major rural-urban
differences among women as the majority now has had
increasing access to urban areas; mass media has also
erased community borders. In Malaysia, arranged
marriages have become almost a thing of the past as are
child brides. (Jones, 1981) In both the Philippines and
Malaysia, the age of marriage has been rising, notably
among the Malays in Malaysia (Jones, 1981; Low and
others 1994; Xenos and others, 1999), and, as a
consequence, the opportunities for premarital sex have
also been increasing. In many countries the delay in
marriage has been attributed to several factors; primarily,
women’s better education, increased mobility, and
economic independence.
Virginity and premarital sex continues to be an issue
for women (but not for men) in varying degrees in both
countries, although there have been changes in attitudes
toward it among women and men. In the Philippines,
the larger numbers of males and females still see virginity
(for women) as important, but male approval of female
premarital sex is increasing as is women’s acceptance of
it, indicating a decline in the value placed on virginity. 2
In Malaysia, virginity is still also important, most
especially among rural Malays and Indians although it
is no longer as important among the young, the educated
and the more urban; it is least valued among the urbanized
Chinese. (Wong Yut Lin and others, 2003; Yusof and
others, 1984)
In practice, the rates of premarital sexual activity among
women and men are far from converging. Premarital
sex is still acceptable behavior for the most part only
for men and this is borne out by the behavior of these
men. In Malaysia, the majority of males assert that boys
become men by having sex with women. Nonetheless,
female sexuality while still firmly within the orbit of
love and marriage is increasingly expressed in premarital
sexual intimacies and intercourse. 3 Expanded education,
urbanization and exposure to Western-influenced
media have led to increases in sexual exploration and
experimentation among women and men across all
classes in the Philippines. 4 In Malaysia, increases are
ENGAGING MODERNITY: RELIGION, GENDER, AND ART 101
notable among the Indians and Malays in spite of
Islamic prescriptions on the spatial separation of sexes.
There appears to be least change among the urbanized
Chinese who are relatively more permissive in religious
and cultural terms and thus have the highest rates of
premarital sexual activity. 5 In Malaysia, as well,
rates of teenage pregnancies have been rising across
all ethnicities. 6
Whether and how these sexual explorations and to a
certain extent the exercise of sexual options translate or
carry over to marital relationships has not been
sufficiently documented to warrant firm conclusions.
The IRRRAG studies give some indication of how
women and men negotiate the terms of their sexual
relationships in times of accelerated economic and social
change.
In Malaysia and the Philippines, male respondents
acknowledge women’s sexual desires because a denial on
their part would make sex, rape. Men also grant women
their rights to sexual pleasure and sexual enjoyment.
Indian men in Malaysia are cautionary on this right:
enjoyment should not be excessive because this can lead
women astray. Malaysian and Philippine women on
their part also recognize their sexual rights to pleasure
and enjoyment. For the women, there is acceptance of
the physicality of sex but they also ask that there should
at least be some attempts on the part of men to insert
communication and intimacy into relationships. For
example, they ask for more romance and foreplay (like
what they see in films and the mass media) so that it
does not come down to being simply penetration or
even rape.
However, the issue of women’s right to initiate and
to refuse sex is a different matter. In the Philippines,
there is qualification both among women and men on
whether to initiate sex (women can initiate only within
marriage) and how: men recognize the sexual needs of
married women but they can express this only in a feminine,
subtle way. Women generally feel shame at initiating
sex and if they ever do initiate sex, suggest or hint at it
rather than ask outright. In Malaysia, most women (the
exception are some Malays) seem to be more forthright
about their right to initiate sex. Most men (the exception
are some Malays), in principle, grant women this right
(but always and only within the context of marriage),
although they also say that women are unlikely to exercise
this option; in men’s minds, women like men to initiate
sex. Among some Malay women, their religion gives
them the right to ask; as does culture among the Chinese
and Indians. However, some Indian men disapprove of
women who initiate sex equating this to the behavior of
Ref lections on the Human Condition: Change, Conflict and Modernity
The Work of the 2004/2005 API Fellows