„‚ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

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ENCOURAGEMENT: GIVING POSITIVE
INVITATIONS
Daniel G. Eckstein
Parents, teachers, and managers (hereinafter called “helping persons”) frequently ask
how to motivate others more effectively. The philosophy and skill of encouragement are
a means both of increasing motivation and of combating feelings of inadequacy.
Encouragement communicates trust, respect, and belief. Many psychologists
contend that there are only two basic human emotions: love and fear. Encouragement
communicates caring and movement toward others—love, whereas discouragement
results in lowered self-esteem and alienation from others—fear. Yet, despite the
intention to be encouraging, all too often helping persons are, in fact, discouraging in
their communications with others. An example is the manager or parent who “lets things
go” as long as they are going well and who comments only when things go wrong.
A crucial beginning to being a more encouraging person is to become more aware
of and to eliminate discouraging messages. The five telltale signs that a message is
discouraging are these:
1. The “Red-Pencil” Effect, Circling the Mistakes of Others. A frequent
consequence of such “constructive criticism” is that the recipient of the message
becomes preoccupied with his or her mistakes.
2. The Vertical Plane of Interaction. The vertical plane is characterized by
“oneupmanship.” The horizontal plane, in contrast, is characterized by equality and a
mutual respect for all; classification of people as superior or inferior and sexual, racial,
and religious prejudice do not exist on this level.
3. Overperfectionism. The unrealistic notion that people should not make mistakes
leads them to become overly critical of themselves and to want to discover that others
are worse. If people cannot make peace with themselves, they never will make peace
with others.
4. Clinging to Old Patterns. A primary principle of child psychology is that
children are good observers but poor interpreters. When they observe death, many
children, being egocentric at the time, conclude that they killed the person. Many such
irrational decisions and conclusions are habits that are held over from the past. By
means of a systematic lifestyle assessment, a counselor often gently confronts a client by
Originally published in The 1983 Annual Handbook for Facilitators, Trainers, and Consultants by Leonard D. Goodstein and J.
William Pfeiffer (Eds.), San Diego, CA: Pfeiffer & Company.
The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer ❚❘ 243