„‚ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

When you attempt to define and share your goals, consistently check signals with
each other to make sure you have heard and understood what the other is saying. During
the early stages of goal sharing, you may practice the art of listening and responding by
following this exercise:
Step 1. One person, Person A, takes responsibility for initiating a conversation
about a specific topic—in this instance “What I’d like our contract to do for us.” As A
talks, B becomes actively involved in the process of listening by nodding his head when
he feels he understands, sitting forward in his chair, taking note of things he agrees or
disagrees with, and sorting out what he understands from what he does not.
Step 2. After A completes her statement, B responds, “I heard you say . . .” and
repeats what A has said. After B summarizes to A’s satisfaction, they continue to the
next step.
Step 3. B attempts to clarify their communication further by expressing his
understanding of the feeling aspect of A’s message. He completes the sentence, “I think
you mean (feel) . . . .”
Step 4. After B has completed the process of summarizing and clarifying his
feelings, A responds with her thoughts and reflections: “My response is . . . .”
Step 5. The process is reversed, and B then engages in a monologue on the same
subject.
Tape recording your conversations may help to promote effective communication
between you and your partner, by giving both of you a more objective view of your
interaction.
Most human behavior is guided by “self-fulfilling prophecies.” We often get what
we expect out of a relationship simply because our expectations guide our behavior in
ways that produce complementary responses from others. For example, if a man sees
himself as being unattractive to women, he more than likely will approach them in a
way that communicates his expectations of himself—“You wouldn’t want to go out with
me, would you?”
Accordingly, as you enter your contract negotiations, it is important to consider
your expectations for yourselves and each other and the influence they may have in
determining the success or futility of your efforts. Some assumptions that facilitate or
hinder interpersonal communication can be useful as a set of guidelines during your
contract negotiations.
These are some assumptions that facilitate successful contract negotiations:
■
■
The Humility Assumption: I am not perfect; I would like to improve my
interpersonal relationships and am willing to learn from you. 1
The Human Dignity Assumption: I value you and feel you are equal to me.
1
This assumption and several of the others in this listing are taken from The Interpersonal Game (p. 4) by K. Hardy, 1964, Provo, UT:
Brigham Young University Press.
The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer ❚❘ 309