„‚ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

It is also helpful to visualize a sequence of action steps. In the example given
above, “defining the issue” logically preceded the other steps as it is important to agree
on the subject for argument before beginning to discuss it.
To avoid confusion, separate each general objective and the action steps connected
with it, just as you would a clause in a contract. If you are developing a method for
dealing with conflict in one section of your contract, for example, you should not
include guidelines for completing chores, unless the chores are directly related to your
conflict.
The best way to change is to act differently now. People have a tendency to
postpone remedial actions, especially when they seem difficult or costly, but the past
cannot be relived. Specify your action steps in the present tense and in the active voice,
such as “summarizes,” “clarifies,” “asks,” “takes,” “names.”
Have an objective outsider read your contract to make sure that your goals and
terms are clear. Remember, however, that your purpose should not be to persuade this
person to take sides with either partner on an issue.
Finally, specify a time in the future to review your contract and renegotiate it if
necessary. When reviewing your contract, you might ask some of the following
questions:
■ Are the behaviors called for by the contract appropriate to the issue?
■ Do the action steps adequately represent the behavior associated with the general
objective?
■ Is the contract too rigid or too flexible?
■ As they are stated, are the objectives attainable?
■ Do the objectives agree with the philosophy of our relationship and with the aim
of shared responsibility?
Contracting explicit, negotiated interpersonal contracts can be a very useful device
for change in intimate relationships. The success of the process requires an atmosphere
of mutual trust, time, helpful assumptions about each other, clear objectives, and a
sequence of specific action steps toward the goal of mutual change.
REFERENCE
Sherwood, J.J., & Glidewell, J.C. (1973). Planned renegotiation: A normsetting OD intervention. In J.E. Jones &
J.W. Pfeiffer (Eds.), The 1973 annual handbook for group facilitators (pp. 195-202). San Diego, CA:
Pfeiffer & Company.
The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer ❚❘ 311