„‚ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Rights also imply responsibilities (Back, 1982; Chenevert, 1983). For example, if I
have a right to be listened to, then it should follow from assertive values that I also have
the responsibility to listen to others. In respecting others’ rights as well as my own, I
would have the responsibilities to respect and take seriously others’ thoughts, feelings,
and wants; to provide information when I can; to allow others to make decisions based
on their own best judgment; and not to judge or punish others for making mistakes or
saying “no” to me. Often assertive rights are likened to money in one’s savings account:
It is there if it is needed, but one does not draw on it impulsively or indiscriminately.
The rights just explained provide some initial examples of the techniques and skills
taught in assertiveness training.
4. Techniques That Should Be Taught in Assertiveness Training
Short Statements and Questions
Exercising assertive rights appropriately requires skill. One of the simplest approaches
to developing skill is to teach one-line statements and questions and then to demonstrate
how they can be combined in various scripts designed to suit the situation. There are
three kinds of statements to be learned: “I” statements, “you” statements, and “we”
statements.
1. “I” statements. “I” statements express thoughts, feelings, impact, wants/needs,
expectations, preferences, decisions, and consequences; in question form, these
statements express requests. The following are examples:
■ “I think Tom Johnson is the top candidate for the new marketing position.”
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“I feel disappointed that you are behind schedule on developing the new product
line.”
“I am put at a disadvantage because I haven’t received the necessary technical
updates from you before our meeting with the user.”
“I want you to give me an explanation for your absence at the task-force
meeting.”
“I need your help in getting this order processed on time.”
“I expect you to inform me when you have someone else take your shift.”
“I would prefer that you come to talk to me instead of writing me memos when
you are upset with me.”
“I have decided to have Mary help us with the specifications.”
“The consequence will be that I will put you on report.”
“Would you proofread this brochure for me?” (request for help).
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The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer