„‚ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

(4) affirming the relationship, and (5) requesting mutual problem solving. These
additions both soften the tone and establish the importance of mutuality. The modified
product looks like this in script form:
1. “I think I understand that you . . .” (statement of empathy).
2. “But when you . . .” (description of behavior).
3. “I feel . . .” (expression of feeling).
4. “Because . . .” (explanation of impact).
5. “I would prefer that you . . .” (specification of desired behavior).
6. “And if you do, I will . . .” (positive consequences of desired behavior change)
and/or “If you don’t, I will . . .” (negative consequences of lack of desired
behavior change).
7. “I am concerned because . . .” (affirmation of the relationship).
8. “How can we work together to . . . ?” (request for mutual problem solving).
Learners of assertiveness can be taught to complete the script using hypothetical
case studies or their own personal “problem” situations. A completed script may take
this form:
“I think I understand that you have orders backlogged; but when you tell the sales department that
it’s my fault for writing so many new orders, I feel angry because I can’t meet my quota unless I
make those sales and write the orders. I would prefer that you talk with my manager to see if we
can get some consistent standards. If you do, we can reduce the pressure on both of us and have
fewer angry customers. (If you don’t, I’m just going to continue doing what I’m told I have to do.)
I am concerned because I want to work with you rather than against you. How can we work
together to accomplish this standardization?”
This script provides a complete picture of the situation from the speaker’s
perspective and yet demonstrates respect for the other person’s position. As such it is
consistent with the values of assertiveness training.
Other, shorter scripts can be designed to vary with and meet the requirements of
any given situation. Three examples of such variations are as follows:
1. Expressing empathy while using the broken-record technique, when a need is to
be met. “I think I understand that you are not a field engineer; however, I need to have
this machine running.” If the recipient of the comment replies with an excuse or reason,
the expression of empathy can be changed to fit the reason; the basic assertion will stay
the same. “I understand that all of the field engineers are on calls, and I need to have this
machine running.”
2. Describing behavior with expression of feeling and explanation of impact, when
specifying a change or consequences is not appropriate. “When you put me on the task
force without asking me first, I felt overwhelmed because I already have commitments
to two other projects.”
The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer ❚❘ 347