„‚ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

3. Stating a need with a request for mutual problem solving, when the other party’s
participation in the decision is desirable. “I need those figures for advertising by
Thursday. How can I help you get them completed for me?”
It is important that trainees be taught to be specific and concrete in all of their
statements and requests. The more clearly a statement or request is composed, the better
the chance of achieving the desired result. For example, the statement “I feel
discouraged when you get defensive” would be better stated as “I feel discouraged when
you justify your lateness by blaming your alarm clock and telling me I don’t understand
all of your home responsibilities.”
Other Skills
Three additional skills can be taught (Bolton, 1979). The first two focus on protection of
rights; the third focuses on improving the mutuality of the relationship by improving the
communication between the parties.
1. Ignoring undesirable behavior. Instead of specifying behavior that is
objectionable, asking for change, or discussing consequences, the person ignores the
other’s negative behavior. This is useful in situations in which bringing attention to the
negative behavior seems to intensify or prolong it by reinforcing it. For example, it may
be more useful to ignore chronic complaining than to try to understand it, object to it, or
make sanctions against it.
2. Modifying the environment. This technique can be likened to that of a mother
who crawls into a playpen to escape from her baby for a while and get some rest. It
involves restructuring the environment to get as close as possible to the desired result,
and it is useful when obtaining the other person’s cooperation is impossible. For
example, an administrative assistant who can hear gossip that he or she does not want to
listen to can turn on a radio or transcribe dictation from a dictaphone.
Although it is preferable to try communicating before using either this technique or
that of ignoring undesirable behavior, these nonverbal approaches can be used when all
else fails and the person involved is “between a rock and a hard place.”
3. Metacommunication. Metacommunication is the process of “communicating
about communication.” This technique is useful when the way in which communication
is occurring is the problem that precludes solving the issues at hand. For example, if two
people are discussing strategies for a new marketing campaign and one of the two
consistently distorts the other’s words to support his or her own ideas, this process can
be pointed out and dealt with. The person whose words are being distorted might say, “It
occurs to me that every time I mention an idea about the new campaign, you somehow
turn it around to support your ideas. For instance, when I suggested that we get a major
athlete for testimony, you picked up on the idea of testimony to support your own desire
to use a rock star.”
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The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer