„‚ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

■ “Would you give me an example of how the new accounting system would work
for exempt employees? “(request for clarification).
■ “Would you ask me if I mind staying late instead of assuming that I will?”
(request for a change in behavior).
2. “You” statements. “You” statements express empathy or understanding of the
other person’s situation or experience, grant the other person’s position or truth, or
describe the other person’s behavior. Examples are as follows:
■ “You’re feeling under a great deal of pressure.”
■
■
“Your position has some validity.”
“You interrupted me three times during the meeting” (criticism).
■ “You handled the customer’s complaint very efficiently” (compliment).
3. “We” statements. “We” statements express mutual options or alternatives,
compromises, decisions, or actions. They also affirm the relationship or, in question
form, request mutual problem solving. Here are some examples:
■ “We could stay late today, come in early tomorrow, or work through lunch to
complete this inventory on time.”
■ “We can compromise by your showing me the agenda and my letting you run the
meeting, then debriefing together afterward.”
■ “We’ve decided to pilot the new training program with two departments in
March.”
■ “We’ll begin our agreement Monday by allowing fifteen minutes at the end of the
day to plan the activities for the next day.”
■ “Our relationship is important enough to work through this power issue.”
■ “How can we solve this staffing problem to our mutual satisfaction?” (request for
mutual problem solving).
Many of these statements can stand on their own, while others, to make sense, need
to be combined with additional statements. For example, “I want that regional sales
report by 5:00 p.m. today” can easily stand on its own, whereas a statement of
consequences such as “Or I will tell everyone involved that I wasn’t informed” needs to
be preceded by a preference statement such as “I would prefer that you check with me
before announcing that I agree with the decision.”
Many of the most commonly taught assertive techniques are single statements
(Smith, 1975):
1. Broken record. “I want my vacation when you promised it...I want my vacation
when you promised it . . .” (repeating a comment as often as necessary to obtain what is
desired).
The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer ❚❘ 345