„‚ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Although creative growth is seldom given equal attention, it too can serve as a
subject for an interpersonal contract. Partners can use their contracts to determine how
much energy they will spend on problem solving and how much on creative
development.
TWO APPROACHES
Regardless of the circumstance that prompts them to seek change, partners can use one
or both of two approaches in negotiating an interpersonal contract. They can develop a
mini-contract to deal with situations that have a restricted time limit or scope, or they
can seek the more comprehensive goals of a developmental contract to maximize the
growth possibilities for both people and their relationship.
A mini-contract might, for example, specify acceptable means of expressing
affection for members of the opposite sex, provide for completing job assignments on
time, determine grading procedures, divide household tasks, set up a homework
schedule, or designate the children’s vacation bedtime.
The developmental contract is more comprehensive, involving decisions about how
to implement the ideals of the partnership, how to provide for future changes, and how
to work through problems. A couple, for instance, might develop a contract to enhance
growth and intimacy in a marriage. To share in the process of learning together, the
marital partners could contract to attend marriage-enrichment workshops and free
university classes. They might seek to provide a renewed basis for intimacy in their
relationship by contracting to spend one weekend a month as a couple—camping,
visiting nearby cities, or having a “tryst” at a local hotel.
GUIDELINES FOR NEGOTIATING AN INTERPERSONAL CONTRACT
The Process
Negotiating an interpersonal contract can be a rewarding and illuminating experience,
especially when both partners agree to negotiate in an atmosphere that is free of
coercion and manipulation. Sitting down and talking things through—sharing your
aspirations as people and partners—offers you new insights into yourselves, your values,
feelings, priorities, and personal viewpoints. It can also help you to find and realize
rewarding new possibilities for your relationship.
If possible, find a quiet, private, pleasant place, free from outside disturbances, to
negotiate and write your contract. While you are at it, be good to yourselves. Treat
yourselves to a glass of wine, some freshly baked cookies, or any special treat.
Allow yourselves ample time to negotiate and write your contract; at least one hour
per sitting is most helpful. Guidelines for implementing serious readjustments in a
relationship are seldom developed in one sitting—take time over several sessions to let
your ideas and feelings percolate and sort themselves out. Each of you could well spend
some time alone defining, clarifying, and noting your personal behavioral goals before
sharing them with your partner.
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The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer