ââ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

More documents

Recommendations

Info

DEALING WITH PERSONAL ANGER The obvious way to eliminate anger from our lives is to become so personally secure that nothing threatens us. Short of that level of self-actualization, the procedures described here may help. Owning anger. Acknowledging anger—claiming it as our own behavior—is a helpful first step. It increases self-awareness and prevents unwarranted blaming of others. Turning blame and attribution into “I” statements locates the anger where it actually is—inside us. This procedure can help to develop a sense of personal power. Calibrating the response. Anger is not an all-or-nothing experience. It ranges from relatively mild reactions such as “I disagree,” “I don’t like that,” and “I’m bothered,” through medium responses such as “I’m annoyed,” “I’m pissed off,” and “I’m irritated,” to intense reactions such as “I’m furious,” “I’m enraged,” and “I feel like hitting you.” Learning to differentiate between levels of anger helps us to assess accurately our capacity for dealing with it. Diagnosing the threat. What is frightening about the perceived threat? What do I stand to lose? Anger happens because we quickly assume that the situation is dangerous—so quickly that we frequently do not know why the stimulus is threatening. Diagnosing the threat frequently reveals that it is simply a difference in values, opinion, upbringing, or styles of behaving. Sharing the perceived threat. Sharing is a way to make the internal anger cycle a public or interpersonal event. It diffuses the intensity of feeling and clarifies our perceptions. It permits us to receive feedback and consensual validation. Forgiveness. Forgiveness involves letting go of the anger and canceling the charges against the other—and ourselves. Forgiving and forgetting clean the slate and constitute a way of opening yourself to future transactions. Forgiveness is a magnanimous gesture that increases personal power. DEALING WITH ANOTHER’S ANGER In interpersonal situations we often respond to another person’s anger, whether or not we have occasioned it by means of threatening or frustrating behavior. It frequently happens that we receive another’s anger just because we happen to be there. Laura Huxley (1963), in her aptly titled book You Are Not the Target, views the anger of another as negative energy that is dumped on us, just as ocean waves dump their energy on the beach. Anger from another has high potential for hooking us into what is essentially someone else’s problem. If we view another’s anger as threatening, we start the anger cycle in ourselves; and then we have our anger to deal with, as well as the other person’s. To be angry simply because someone else is angry makes no sense, but it frequently happens anyway. Contagion is a usual by-product of intensity. 320 ❘❚ The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer
Anger from another, if responded to appropriately, can increase interpersonal learning and strengthen a relationship. The following steps may be helpful. Affirm the other’s feelings. An old Jules Feiffer cartoon devotes nine panels to one character’s building up his anger toward another. Finally, he verbally confronts the other with “I hate you, you son of a bitch!” The other character replies, “Let us begin by defining your terms.” To affirm another’s anger is to acknowledge that you are receiving it and to express a willingness to respond. Disallowing another’s anger usually heightens its intensity. Acknowledge your own defensiveness. Let the other person know what you are feeling. Acknowledge that your own tenseness may lead to miscommunication and distortion. Develop an awareness of the impact of received anger on your body. Clarify and diagnose. Give and request specific feedback. Distinguish between wants and needs. Check expectations. Discover together who owns what in the situation. When interpersonal needs and wants are on the table, the resolution of anger becomes more probable. Renegotiate the relationship. Plan together how similar situations will be dealt with in the future. Contracting to practice new behavior may help to eliminate the sources of friction. Acknowledge regret and exchange apologies if that is warranted. Agree on a third-party mediator to help if the two of you are getting nowhere. Anger does not disappear if we refuse to deal with it; it continues to grow within us. If we deal with anger directly, the discomfort and unpleasantness are mitigated by the new learning and self-strengthening that occur. If we deal with it indirectly, we easily trap ourselves into polarization, passivity, “gunnysacking,” name calling, blaming, gaming, and viewing ourselves and our adversaries as weak and fragile. Anger is not the worst thing in the world. It is a powerful source of energy, which, if creatively and appropriately expressed, leads to personal growth and improved interpersonal functioning. REFERENCE Huxley, L. (1963). You are not the target. New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux. The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer ❚❘ 321
Page 1 and 2:
❚❘ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFEC
Page 3 and 4:
3. Hostility. Hostility may create
Page 5 and 6:
10. Mind wandering. This is a state
Page 7 and 8:
“Feel” statements refer to the
Page 9 and 10:
❚❘ “DON’T YOU THINK THAT .
Page 11 and 12:
The questioner is attempting to eli
Page 13 and 14:
Or the questioner may precede his o
Page 15 and 16:
from the basic aims of human relati
Page 17 and 18:
Activity 6 1. The participants form
Page 19 and 20:
1. No number or array of numbers ca
Page 21 and 22:
REFERENCES Jones, J.E. (1972). Mode
Page 23 and 24:
A DEFINITION OF CLARITY “Getting
Page 25 and 26:
person has his or her own set of pe
Page 27 and 28:
frustrated in his or her efforts to
Page 29 and 30:
Feedback The use of feedback is imp
Page 31 and 32:
13. Use as many channels as necessa
Page 33 and 34:
These modes of response may communi
Page 35 and 36:
A More Effective Approach Problems
Page 37 and 38:
❚❘ KENEPATHY Michele Stimac The
Page 39 and 40:
here-and-now becomes past data that
Page 41 and 42:
there-and-then data that need to be
Page 43 and 44:
REFERENCES Brammer, L. (1973). The
Page 45 and 46:
The second set of symbols with whic
Page 47 and 48:
abstracting process when they are a
Page 49 and 50:
example, if the emphasis is on the
Page 51 and 52:
❚❘ MAKING REQUESTS THROUGH META
Page 53 and 54:
❚❘ NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION AND
Page 55 and 56:
Kinesics Movement of the body (head
Page 57 and 58:
Self-Awareness One technique in thi
Page 59 and 60:
Awareness in Situations Within the
Page 61 and 62:
to deal with power and influence, t
Page 63 and 64:
In training there is ample evidence
Page 65 and 66:
Figure 2. Male and Female Ego State
Page 67 and 68:
■ In co-training, the male traine
Page 69 and 70:
❚❘ COMMUNICATING COMMUNICATION
Page 71 and 72:
5. Use as few words as possible to
Page 73 and 74:
Logical, Lecturing Response. “Don
Page 75 and 76:
❚❘ ANYBODY WITH EYES CAN SEE TH
Page 77 and 78:
5. Data from sense organs, fed into
Page 79 and 80:
INTERPRETATION OF “MR. RAT” It
Page 81 and 82:
❚❘ THE FOUR-COMMUNICATION-STYLE
Page 83 and 84:
Shifting Styles Under Stress Our so
Page 85 and 86:
analyze a complex interpersonal iss
Page 87 and 88:
❚❘ JARGON: REDISCOVERING A POWE
Page 89 and 90:
experiencing the solid, down-to-ear
Page 91 and 92:
the good of “the team.” Similar
Page 93 and 94:
etrievals (Fuld & Buschke, 1976). T
Page 95 and 96:
❚❘ UNDERSTANDING AND IMPROVING
Page 97 and 98:
The fourth and final type of inform
Page 99 and 100:
Figure 1. The Communication Model:
Page 101 and 102:
analysis, it may be found that the
Page 103 and 104:
CONGRUENCY Another important elemen
Page 105 and 106:
❚❘ A PRIMER ON SOCIAL STYLES Be
Page 107 and 108:
Figure 1. The Social-Style Profile
Page 109 and 110:
+ - Figure 2. The DRIVER The Pfeiff
Page 111 and 112:
+ - Figure 4. The AMIABLE The Pfeif
Page 113 and 114:
Figure 6. Shared Behaviors Among So
Page 115 and 116:
Other Analytics Perceive you as tho
Page 117 and 118:
Analyticals* Relate to your imagina
Page 119 and 120:
5. Selection. The social-style appr
Page 121 and 122:
Table 1 (continued). The Many Faces
Page 123 and 124:
❚❘ THE FEELINGS VOCABULARY: A T
Page 125 and 126:
MAD High Medium Low Angry Bitter Bo
Page 127 and 128:
USE OF THE LIST IN HUMAN RESOURCE D
Page 129 and 130:
❚❘ USING PERSONALITY TYPOLOGY T
Page 131 and 132:
perceiving). People with an N (intu
Page 133 and 134:
for the unexpected. He or she remai
Page 135 and 136:
Keirsey and Bates Temperaments The
Page 137 and 138:
The Sensing-Perceiving (SP) Manager
Page 139 and 140:
wants to learn the theory or the co
Page 141 and 142:
REFERENCES AND SUGGESTED READINGS K
Page 143 and 144:
This speaker-centered view of commu
Page 145 and 146:
account the many changes that occur
Page 147 and 148:
Process The second major component
Page 149 and 150:
form negative and adverse feelings
Page 151 and 152:
Negotiation of Selves Using the ter
Page 153 and 154:
Barnlund, D.C. (1970). A transactio
Page 155 and 156:
❚❘ OPENNESS, COLLUSION, AND FEE
Page 157 and 158:
(and the members of the system) to
Page 159 and 160:
The third feedback criterion, takin
Page 161 and 162:
❚❘ THE JOHARI WINDOW: A MODEL F
Page 163 and 164:
may be that if the group knew of my
Page 165 and 166:
Figure 4. Ideal Window and Extreme
Page 167 and 168:
The goal of eliciting feedback and
Page 169 and 170:
Descriptive or Evaluative Feedback
Page 171 and 172:
A Representation of Reality What re
Page 173 and 174:
“Waterfall” Design Although thi
Page 175 and 176:
❚❘ GIVING FEEDBACK: AN INTERPER
Page 177 and 178:
problem lies in reaching some mutua
Page 179 and 180:
ehaviors that manifest low self-est
Page 181 and 182:
sessions, participants may cover ev
Page 183 and 184:
other way could you have given her
Page 185 and 186:
APPENDIX: A FEEDBACK CHECKLIST Rati
Page 187 and 188:
❚❘ INTERPERSONAL FEEDBACK AS CO
Page 189 and 190:
Figure 2. Example of Inferential Pr
Page 191 and 192:
❚❘ MAKING JUDGMENTS DESCRIPTIVE
Page 193 and 194:
performance for you in your job wou
Page 195 and 196:
❚❘ ALTERNATIVE DATA-FEEDBACK DE
Page 197 and 198:
Figure 1. The Data-Collection/Feedb
Page 199 and 200:
4. Hope. Not all of the feelings th
Page 201 and 202:
example, people may feel that worki
Page 203 and 204:
and that the formal work group is t
Page 205 and 206:
The key characteristics of this app
Page 207 and 208:
obviously, involves the degree to w
Page 209 and 210:
members of the system (members of t
Page 211 and 212:
Bowers, D.G., & Franklin, J.L. (197
Page 213 and 214:
often rejected by the recipient; an
Page 215 and 216:
initiated the feedback could benefi
Page 217 and 218:
Blumberg, H.H. (1972). Communicatio
Page 219 and 220:
❚❘ THE LOST ART OF FEEDBACK Han
Page 221 and 222:
GUIDELINES FOR EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK T
Page 223 and 224:
is appropriate and will be apprecia
Page 225 and 226:
Giving Feedback: “You Can’t Tel
Page 227 and 228:
They offer a logical and effective
Page 229 and 230:
REFERENCE Blanchard, K., & Johnson,
Page 231 and 232:
Consultant (to the client group):
Page 233 and 234:
Consultant (to Member A): “What i
Page 235 and 236:
saying what you wanted to say in th
Page 237 and 238:
explicitly invites and allows the c
Page 239 and 240:
Evaluation If Wheeler continues to
Page 241 and 242:
Lack of time and energy is also a b
Page 243 and 244:
❚❘ ENCOURAGEMENT: GIVING POSITI
Page 245 and 246:
child, should never think that he o
Page 247 and 248:
❚❘ CREATING CONDITIONS THAT ENC
Page 249 and 250:
Table 1. Obstacles to Mentoring Fea
Page 251 and 252:
Similarly, performance appraisal an
Page 253 and 254:
structures and systems in the organ
Page 255 and 256:
enthusiasm. In settings in which em
Page 257 and 258:
opportunity to talk with a third pa
Page 259 and 260:
Table 3 (continued). Structural Int
Page 261 and 262:
The impact of the physical space of
Page 263 and 264:
includes the education and involvem
Page 265 and 266:
necessarily defined over time, step
Page 267 and 268:
Harrison (1970) suggests that an in
Page 269 and 270: Deal, T.E., & Kennedy, A.A. (1982).
Page 271 and 272: ❚❘ IMPROVING THE USE OF BEHAVIO
Page 273 and 274: most dependent on coding. A simple
Page 275 and 276: model. This would prevent objection
Page 277 and 278: 1. Give participants a verbal model
Page 279 and 280: ❚❘ USING MENTORING FOR PROFESSI
Page 281 and 282: WHY INFORMAL MENTORING AND PERFORMA
Page 283 and 284: implementation are undertaken after
Page 285 and 286: ■ What skills will we need to imp
Page 287 and 288: The process of articulating a philo
Page 289 and 290: In addition, the nine mentors and t
Page 291 and 292: developed and successful: How will
Page 293 and 294: ❚❘ ATTRIBUTION THEORY: APPLICAT
Page 295: Dimensions of Attributions There ar
Page 298 and 299: and advantageous attributions for f
Page 300 and 301: Applications in the Managerial Coac
Page 302 and 303: ❚❘ CONFRONTATION: TYPES, CONDIT
Page 304 and 305: In summary, the purposes and motive
Page 306 and 307: dismiss the confrontation and me as
Page 308 and 309: Although creative growth is seldom
Page 310 and 311: ■ The Confidentiality Assumption:
Page 312 and 313: ❚❘ ASSERTION THEORY Colleen Kel
Page 314 and 315: Nonverbal Behavior Each response st
Page 316 and 317: sexist remarks, and handling variou
Page 318 and 319: ❚❘ DEALING WITH ANGER John E. J
Page 322 and 323: ❚❘ CONTRACTING: A PROCESS AND A
Page 324 and 325: costs, courses of action, methods t
Page 326 and 327: A third advantage to contracting is
Page 328 and 329: ❚❘ ENCOURAGING OTHERS TO CHANGE
Page 330 and 331: usiness to intervene, you might mak
Page 332 and 333: 6. If you encounter resistance, shi
Page 334 and 335: could be created in a package deal.
Page 336 and 337: A MODEL OF NEGOTIATION Figure 3 sum
Page 338 and 339: ■ Exploratory moves often are pre
Page 340 and 341: ❚❘ THE NUTS AND BOLTS OF ASSERT
Page 342 and 343: 6. Mutuality: accepting another per
Page 344 and 345: Rights also imply responsibilities
Page 346 and 347: 2. Fogging. “I can see how you mi
Page 348 and 349: 3. Stating a need with a request fo
Page 350 and 351: We can follow Les, a fictional part
Page 352 and 353: SUMMARY This article has discussed
Page 354 and 355: Bloom, L.Z., Coburn, K., & Pearlman
Page 356 and 357: McCaffery, M. (1983). Personal mark
Page 358 and 359: ❚❘ A POSITIVE APPROACH TO RESIS
Page 360 and 361: punished, or “sold” on what the
Page 362 and 363: ❚❘ FOUR CULTURAL DIMENSIONS AND
Page 364 and 365: ■ Change occurs by dethroning tho
Page 366 and 367: Where individualism is high, a thor
Page 368 and 369: 1. The structure of a communication
Page 370:
❚❘ SOCIAL INTERACTION AND ORGAN
Page 373 and 374:
of defunct cultures. However, some
Page 375 and 376:
form they take, these sequences des
Page 377 and 378:
present as varied a support for his
Page 379 and 380:
a remote outpost or office location
Page 381 and 382:
the culture of the opponents is mod
Page 383 and 384:
epulsion. Groups become cohesive wh
Page 385 and 386:
Jourard, S.M. (1971). Self-disclosu
Page 387 and 388:
about how to develop and use influe
Page 389 and 390:
produce movement or change. Harriso
Page 391 and 392:
managers were seen as transactional
Page 393 and 394:
❚❘ DESIGNING MORE EFFECTIVE ORI
Page 395 and 396:
consistency in linking newcomers wi
Page 397 and 398:
3. First day at work. The new emplo
Page 399 and 400:
IN CONCLUSION: ELEMENTS OF EFFECTIV
Page 401 and 402:
5. The new employee has lunch with
Page 403 and 404:
❚❘ LEGENDARY CUSTOMER SERVICE A
Page 405 and 406:
These efforts dramatically communic
Page 407 and 408:
FUNDAMENTAL 4: LISTEN The fact that
Page 409 and 410:
Every organization must judge its a
Page 411 and 412:
test their talents, and failing to
Page 413 and 414:
❚❘ HOW TO MAKE NEW-EMPLOYEE ORI
Page 415 and 416:
8. Adult-learning concepts guide th
Page 417 and 418:
ORIENTATION-CONTENT CHECKLIST 1 Ins
Page 419 and 420:
ORIENTATION-CONTENT CHECKLIST (cont
Page 421 and 422:
❚❘ SEXUAL DIFFERENCES IN THE WO
Page 423 and 424:
may even suppress female-oriented b
Page 425 and 426:
learn to respect and to deal with t
Page 427 and 428:
no female permanent secretaries in
Page 429 and 430:
Hostile environment harassment occu
Page 431 and 432:
instance “hostile” means that t
Page 433 and 434:
■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ To lear
Page 435 and 436:
helpful if the question does not ha
Page 437 and 438:
❚❘ FROM VISION TO ACTION: DETER
Page 439 and 440:
perspective, and she wanted both ma
Page 441 and 442:
Instructions: Rate each of the foll
Page 443 and 444:
❚❘ OPERATIONAL DEFINITIONS: AN
Page 445 and 446:
and end users now define and redefi
Page 447 and 448:
in meaningful ways. Each definition
Page 449 and 450:
uilt on shared expectations and kno
Page 451 and 452:
interpretations of the same or simi
Page 453 and 454:
■ Benchmarking is “. . . the pr
Page 455 and 456:
PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS We usually h
show all

ââ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?

ââ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION