ââ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

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SUMMARY Sending feeling messages and listening actively are skills that can be applied to work, family, and personal relationships (Prather, 1970, unpaged): No one is wrong. At most someone is uninformed. If I think a man is wrong, either I am unaware of something, or he is. So unless I want to play a superiority game I had best find out what he is looking at. “You’re wrong” means “I don’t understand you”—I’m not seeing what you’re seeing. But there is nothing wrong with you, you are simply not me and that’s not wrong. REFERENCES AND READINGS Gibb, J.R. (1961). Defensive communication. Journal of Communication, 11, 141-148. Gordon, T. (1970). Parent effectiveness training. New York: Peter H. Wyden. Prather, H. (1970). Notes to myself. Lafayette, CA: Real People Press. Rogers, C. (1952). Communication: Its blocking and facilitating. Northwestern University Information, 20, 9-15. Stewart, J. (Ed.). (1973). Bridges not walls: A book about interpersonal communication. Reading, MA: Addison- Wesley. From Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather. Copyright © 1970 by Bantam Books. Used with permission of the author. 36 ❘❚ The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright © 1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer
❚❘ KENEPATHY Michele Stimac The importance of understanding feelings and emotions in the communication process or in a helping relationship has been stressed so often that there is no question but that affect is as important as cognitive data for human expression and understanding. Human relations trainers have stressed the importance of “catching feelings” (empathy) and have emphasized the importance of discerning feelings in order to understand an individual’s inner being. But training manuals filled with structured activities too often concentrate on affective understanding to the exclusion of cognitive understanding. This concentration on the affective dimension has created an imbalance in our skill training as egregious as the previous concentration on cognitive communication. Human beings function continually at several levels, and true understanding requires listening to them at all levels. Individuals trained to listen to others must “kenepathize,” that is, hear the verbal message, see the nonverbal behavior, and grasp what the speaker’s thoughts and perceptions are as well as what that person is feeling and experiencing at the moment. The term “kenepathy” supplements the term “empathy.” We have come to associate empathy almost exclusively with “catching feelings” or understanding affect, so the term kenepathy has been coined to convey a more all-inclusive understanding. The prefix ken, borrowed from the archaic Scottish word meaning to know or to understand, has been joined to the root pathy from the Greek “pathos” or feelings. Kenepathy, as defined here, means to understand cognitive as well as affective data—to grasp another’s thoughts, perceptions, and feelings. The “bucket” model developed here is useful in human relations or leadership training to convey the complexity of the human being and the need for a confluent grasp of feelings, thoughts, perceptions, and actions. THE BUCKET MODEL Human beings are so complex that their behavior is not easy to understand, a fact that Lewin (1951) attempted to explain with his concept of “life space.” According to Lewin, behavior is a function of each person’s life space; to understand it requires that we understand the dynamics in that person’s space—a challenge that even the most proficient listener finds difficult to meet. The bucket model illustrates the complexity of Originally published in The 1981 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators by John E. Jones and J. William Pfeiffer (Eds.), San Diego, CA: Pfeiffer & Company. The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright © 1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer ❚❘ 37
Page 1 and 2: ❚❘ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFEC
Page 3 and 4: 3. Hostility. Hostility may create
Page 5 and 6: 10. Mind wandering. This is a state
Page 7 and 8: “Feel” statements refer to the
Page 9 and 10: ❚❘ “DON’T YOU THINK THAT .
Page 11 and 12: The questioner is attempting to eli
Page 13 and 14: Or the questioner may precede his o
Page 15 and 16: from the basic aims of human relati
Page 17 and 18: Activity 6 1. The participants form
Page 19 and 20: 1. No number or array of numbers ca
Page 21 and 22: REFERENCES Jones, J.E. (1972). Mode
Page 23 and 24: A DEFINITION OF CLARITY “Getting
Page 25 and 26: person has his or her own set of pe
Page 27 and 28: frustrated in his or her efforts to
Page 29 and 30: Feedback The use of feedback is imp
Page 31 and 32: 13. Use as many channels as necessa
Page 33 and 34: These modes of response may communi
Page 35: A More Effective Approach Problems
Page 39 and 40: here-and-now becomes past data that
Page 41 and 42: there-and-then data that need to be
Page 43 and 44: REFERENCES Brammer, L. (1973). The
Page 45 and 46: The second set of symbols with whic
Page 47 and 48: abstracting process when they are a
Page 49 and 50: example, if the emphasis is on the
Page 51 and 52: ❚❘ MAKING REQUESTS THROUGH META
Page 53 and 54: ❚❘ NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION AND
Page 55 and 56: Kinesics Movement of the body (head
Page 57 and 58: Self-Awareness One technique in thi
Page 59 and 60: Awareness in Situations Within the
Page 61 and 62: to deal with power and influence, t
Page 63 and 64: In training there is ample evidence
Page 65 and 66: Figure 2. Male and Female Ego State
Page 67 and 68: ■ In co-training, the male traine
Page 69 and 70: ❚❘ COMMUNICATING COMMUNICATION
Page 71 and 72: 5. Use as few words as possible to
Page 73 and 74: Logical, Lecturing Response. “Don
Page 75 and 76: ❚❘ ANYBODY WITH EYES CAN SEE TH
Page 77 and 78: 5. Data from sense organs, fed into
Page 79 and 80: INTERPRETATION OF “MR. RAT” It
Page 81 and 82: ❚❘ THE FOUR-COMMUNICATION-STYLE
Page 83 and 84: Shifting Styles Under Stress Our so
Page 85 and 86: analyze a complex interpersonal iss
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❚❘ JARGON: REDISCOVERING A POWE
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experiencing the solid, down-to-ear
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the good of “the team.” Similar
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etrievals (Fuld & Buschke, 1976). T
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❚❘ UNDERSTANDING AND IMPROVING
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The fourth and final type of inform
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Figure 1. The Communication Model:
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analysis, it may be found that the
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CONGRUENCY Another important elemen
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❚❘ A PRIMER ON SOCIAL STYLES Be
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Figure 1. The Social-Style Profile
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+ - Figure 2. The DRIVER The Pfeiff
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+ - Figure 4. The AMIABLE The Pfeif
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Figure 6. Shared Behaviors Among So
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Other Analytics Perceive you as tho
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Analyticals* Relate to your imagina
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5. Selection. The social-style appr
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Table 1 (continued). The Many Faces
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❚❘ THE FEELINGS VOCABULARY: A T
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MAD High Medium Low Angry Bitter Bo
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USE OF THE LIST IN HUMAN RESOURCE D
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❚❘ USING PERSONALITY TYPOLOGY T
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perceiving). People with an N (intu
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for the unexpected. He or she remai
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Keirsey and Bates Temperaments The
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The Sensing-Perceiving (SP) Manager
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wants to learn the theory or the co
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REFERENCES AND SUGGESTED READINGS K
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This speaker-centered view of commu
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account the many changes that occur
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Process The second major component
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form negative and adverse feelings
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Negotiation of Selves Using the ter
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Barnlund, D.C. (1970). A transactio
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❚❘ OPENNESS, COLLUSION, AND FEE
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(and the members of the system) to
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The third feedback criterion, takin
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❚❘ THE JOHARI WINDOW: A MODEL F
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may be that if the group knew of my
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Figure 4. Ideal Window and Extreme
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The goal of eliciting feedback and
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Descriptive or Evaluative Feedback
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A Representation of Reality What re
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“Waterfall” Design Although thi
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❚❘ GIVING FEEDBACK: AN INTERPER
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problem lies in reaching some mutua
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ehaviors that manifest low self-est
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sessions, participants may cover ev
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other way could you have given her
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APPENDIX: A FEEDBACK CHECKLIST Rati
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❚❘ INTERPERSONAL FEEDBACK AS CO
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Figure 2. Example of Inferential Pr
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❚❘ MAKING JUDGMENTS DESCRIPTIVE
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performance for you in your job wou
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❚❘ ALTERNATIVE DATA-FEEDBACK DE
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Figure 1. The Data-Collection/Feedb
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4. Hope. Not all of the feelings th
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example, people may feel that worki
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and that the formal work group is t
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The key characteristics of this app
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obviously, involves the degree to w
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members of the system (members of t
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Bowers, D.G., & Franklin, J.L. (197
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often rejected by the recipient; an
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initiated the feedback could benefi
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Blumberg, H.H. (1972). Communicatio
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❚❘ THE LOST ART OF FEEDBACK Han
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GUIDELINES FOR EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK T
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is appropriate and will be apprecia
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Giving Feedback: “You Can’t Tel
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They offer a logical and effective
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REFERENCE Blanchard, K., & Johnson,
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Consultant (to the client group):
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Consultant (to Member A): “What i
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saying what you wanted to say in th
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explicitly invites and allows the c
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Evaluation If Wheeler continues to
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Lack of time and energy is also a b
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❚❘ ENCOURAGEMENT: GIVING POSITI
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child, should never think that he o
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❚❘ CREATING CONDITIONS THAT ENC
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Table 1. Obstacles to Mentoring Fea
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Similarly, performance appraisal an
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structures and systems in the organ
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enthusiasm. In settings in which em
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opportunity to talk with a third pa
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Table 3 (continued). Structural Int
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The impact of the physical space of
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includes the education and involvem
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necessarily defined over time, step
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Harrison (1970) suggests that an in
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Deal, T.E., & Kennedy, A.A. (1982).
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❚❘ IMPROVING THE USE OF BEHAVIO
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most dependent on coding. A simple
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model. This would prevent objection
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1. Give participants a verbal model
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❚❘ USING MENTORING FOR PROFESSI
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WHY INFORMAL MENTORING AND PERFORMA
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implementation are undertaken after
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■ What skills will we need to imp
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The process of articulating a philo
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In addition, the nine mentors and t
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developed and successful: How will
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❚❘ ATTRIBUTION THEORY: APPLICAT
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Dimensions of Attributions There ar
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and advantageous attributions for f
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Applications in the Managerial Coac
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❚❘ CONFRONTATION: TYPES, CONDIT
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In summary, the purposes and motive
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dismiss the confrontation and me as
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Although creative growth is seldom
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■ The Confidentiality Assumption:
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❚❘ ASSERTION THEORY Colleen Kel
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Nonverbal Behavior Each response st
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sexist remarks, and handling variou
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❚❘ DEALING WITH ANGER John E. J
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DEALING WITH PERSONAL ANGER The obv
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❚❘ CONTRACTING: A PROCESS AND A
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costs, courses of action, methods t
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A third advantage to contracting is
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❚❘ ENCOURAGING OTHERS TO CHANGE
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usiness to intervene, you might mak
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6. If you encounter resistance, shi
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could be created in a package deal.
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A MODEL OF NEGOTIATION Figure 3 sum
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■ Exploratory moves often are pre
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❚❘ THE NUTS AND BOLTS OF ASSERT
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6. Mutuality: accepting another per
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Rights also imply responsibilities
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2. Fogging. “I can see how you mi
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3. Stating a need with a request fo
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We can follow Les, a fictional part
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SUMMARY This article has discussed
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Bloom, L.Z., Coburn, K., & Pearlman
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McCaffery, M. (1983). Personal mark
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❚❘ A POSITIVE APPROACH TO RESIS
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punished, or “sold” on what the
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❚❘ FOUR CULTURAL DIMENSIONS AND
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■ Change occurs by dethroning tho
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Where individualism is high, a thor
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1. The structure of a communication
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❚❘ SOCIAL INTERACTION AND ORGAN
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of defunct cultures. However, some
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form they take, these sequences des
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present as varied a support for his
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a remote outpost or office location
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the culture of the opponents is mod
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epulsion. Groups become cohesive wh
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Jourard, S.M. (1971). Self-disclosu
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about how to develop and use influe
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produce movement or change. Harriso
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managers were seen as transactional
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❚❘ DESIGNING MORE EFFECTIVE ORI
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consistency in linking newcomers wi
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3. First day at work. The new emplo
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IN CONCLUSION: ELEMENTS OF EFFECTIV
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5. The new employee has lunch with
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❚❘ LEGENDARY CUSTOMER SERVICE A
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These efforts dramatically communic
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FUNDAMENTAL 4: LISTEN The fact that
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Every organization must judge its a
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test their talents, and failing to
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❚❘ HOW TO MAKE NEW-EMPLOYEE ORI
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8. Adult-learning concepts guide th
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ORIENTATION-CONTENT CHECKLIST 1 Ins
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ORIENTATION-CONTENT CHECKLIST (cont
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❚❘ SEXUAL DIFFERENCES IN THE WO
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may even suppress female-oriented b
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learn to respect and to deal with t
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no female permanent secretaries in
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Hostile environment harassment occu
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instance “hostile” means that t
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■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ To lear
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helpful if the question does not ha
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❚❘ FROM VISION TO ACTION: DETER
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perspective, and she wanted both ma
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Instructions: Rate each of the foll
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❚❘ OPERATIONAL DEFINITIONS: AN
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and end users now define and redefi
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in meaningful ways. Each definition
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uilt on shared expectations and kno
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interpretations of the same or simi
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■ Benchmarking is “. . . the pr
Page 455 and 456:
PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS We usually h
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