ââ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

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dismiss the confrontation and me as a person. Do I expect the person to change just because I confronted him or her? As I cannot possibly experience the world as the other person does, I cannot be sure that the change would be right for him or her. If I do not give the other the right to decide whether and how to change, I am imposing my values on him or her. 3. What are my own motives? Do I want to become more involved with the person I am confronting? If not, I am intruding on another person and prying into his or her life. Am I directing my confrontation to the right person? Am I confronting to relieve boredom or to ward off confrontation myself? To punish or to dominate? To show off my intelligence or perceptiveness? If I am confronting for these motives, I am attempting to meet my needs at the other person’s expense; and my behavior may be harmful to him or her. 4. Am I confronting behavior or the other’s motives? As motives must be inferred from the other’s behavior and are much more difficult to describe accurately, confronting the other’s behavior is more helpful. Am I making myself clear? Am I checking the impact that my confrontation is having on the other person? Some of the answers to these questions lie within yourself. Some of the answers lie within the recipient and some within the other group members. The most effective way to find the answers is to be open to yourself and to elicit feedback as to how you are experienced by others. REFERENCES Berenson, B.G., Mitchell, K.M., & Laney, R.C. (1968). Level of therapist functioning: Types of confrontation and type of patient. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 24, 111-113. Berne, E. (1964). Games people play. New York: Grove Press. Douds, J., Berenson, B.G., Carkhuff, R.R., & Pierce, R. (1967). In search of an honest experience: Confrontation in counseling and life. In R.R. Carkhuff & B.G. Berenson (Eds.), Beyond counseling and therapy (pp. 170- 179). New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston. Egan, G. (1970). Encounter: Group processes for interpersonal growth. Monterey, CA: Brooks/Cole. 306 ❘❚ The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer
❚❘ THE INTERPERSONAL CONTRACT Clark Carney and S. Lynne McMahon The idea of contracting for change in intimate relationships tends to elicit negative reactions from most people. In the United States the word “contract” often connotes an impersonal process of tough bargaining in smoke-filled rooms between declared opponents. “Negotiation” evokes a picture of wily diplomats jostling for power through subterfuge, manipulation, and hints of armed intervention. Neither of these scenes is readily applicable to personal relationships. Yet all relationships involve negotiated agreements that vary according to explicitness, duration, and restrictiveness. Husbands and wives, for example, develop pacts about household chores, while neighbors contract to form a car pool. Roommates reach agreements about visitors, paying bills, and study times. Teachers and students specify individual learning objectives. Given its prevalence in our daily lives, the interpersonal contract might be described as the mortar that binds relationships; it lends predictability to our interactions and provides us with a basis for trust. IMPLICIT AND EXPLICIT AGREEMENTS Most of the agreements that people work out among themselves are implicit and are rarely verbalized. People normally function on the basis of unwritten compacts, seldom recognizing that they have indeed negotiated an agreement. The most fulfilling means of facilitating change in a relationship, however, occurs when partners make a conscious and consistent effort to negotiate their expectations openly in an atmosphere of mutual trust and respect. In making a public commitment, both partners are more likely to carry out their agreements. Such explicit agreements are easily renegotiated and modified for the mutual benefit of participants. PROBLEM-CENTERED PERSPECTIVE People generally approach the process of contracting for change in a relationship from a problem-centered perspective: “We are doing all right, but we have a problem with....” The problem may be one of agreeing on family finances, learning how to express anger, or finding a satisfying means of completing a task. The situation is seen as lacking a necessary element or as an irritant to be remedied. Originally published in The 1974 Annual Handbook for Group Facilitators by J. William Pfeiffer and John E. Jones (Eds.), San Diego, CA: Pfeiffer & Company. The Pfeiffer Library Volume 6, 2nd Edition. Copyright ©1998 Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer ❚❘ 307
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❚❘ CONDITIONS THAT HINDER EFFEC
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3. Hostility. Hostility may create
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10. Mind wandering. This is a state
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“Feel” statements refer to the
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❚❘ “DON’T YOU THINK THAT .
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The questioner is attempting to eli
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Or the questioner may precede his o
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from the basic aims of human relati
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Activity 6 1. The participants form
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1. No number or array of numbers ca
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REFERENCES Jones, J.E. (1972). Mode
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A DEFINITION OF CLARITY “Getting
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person has his or her own set of pe
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frustrated in his or her efforts to
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Feedback The use of feedback is imp
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13. Use as many channels as necessa
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These modes of response may communi
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A More Effective Approach Problems
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❚❘ KENEPATHY Michele Stimac The
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here-and-now becomes past data that
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there-and-then data that need to be
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REFERENCES Brammer, L. (1973). The
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The second set of symbols with whic
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abstracting process when they are a
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example, if the emphasis is on the
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❚❘ MAKING REQUESTS THROUGH META
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❚❘ NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION AND
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Kinesics Movement of the body (head
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Self-Awareness One technique in thi
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Awareness in Situations Within the
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to deal with power and influence, t
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In training there is ample evidence
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Figure 2. Male and Female Ego State
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■ In co-training, the male traine
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❚❘ COMMUNICATING COMMUNICATION
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5. Use as few words as possible to
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Logical, Lecturing Response. “Don
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❚❘ ANYBODY WITH EYES CAN SEE TH
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5. Data from sense organs, fed into
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INTERPRETATION OF “MR. RAT” It
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❚❘ THE FOUR-COMMUNICATION-STYLE
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Shifting Styles Under Stress Our so
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analyze a complex interpersonal iss
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❚❘ JARGON: REDISCOVERING A POWE
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experiencing the solid, down-to-ear
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the good of “the team.” Similar
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etrievals (Fuld & Buschke, 1976). T
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❚❘ UNDERSTANDING AND IMPROVING
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The fourth and final type of inform
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Figure 1. The Communication Model:
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analysis, it may be found that the
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CONGRUENCY Another important elemen
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❚❘ A PRIMER ON SOCIAL STYLES Be
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Figure 1. The Social-Style Profile
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+ - Figure 2. The DRIVER The Pfeiff
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+ - Figure 4. The AMIABLE The Pfeif
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Figure 6. Shared Behaviors Among So
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Other Analytics Perceive you as tho
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Analyticals* Relate to your imagina
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5. Selection. The social-style appr
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Table 1 (continued). The Many Faces
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❚❘ THE FEELINGS VOCABULARY: A T
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MAD High Medium Low Angry Bitter Bo
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USE OF THE LIST IN HUMAN RESOURCE D
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❚❘ USING PERSONALITY TYPOLOGY T
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perceiving). People with an N (intu
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for the unexpected. He or she remai
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Keirsey and Bates Temperaments The
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The Sensing-Perceiving (SP) Manager
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wants to learn the theory or the co
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REFERENCES AND SUGGESTED READINGS K
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This speaker-centered view of commu
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account the many changes that occur
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Process The second major component
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form negative and adverse feelings
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Negotiation of Selves Using the ter
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Barnlund, D.C. (1970). A transactio
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❚❘ OPENNESS, COLLUSION, AND FEE
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(and the members of the system) to
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The third feedback criterion, takin
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❚❘ THE JOHARI WINDOW: A MODEL F
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may be that if the group knew of my
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Figure 4. Ideal Window and Extreme
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The goal of eliciting feedback and
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Descriptive or Evaluative Feedback
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A Representation of Reality What re
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“Waterfall” Design Although thi
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❚❘ GIVING FEEDBACK: AN INTERPER
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problem lies in reaching some mutua
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ehaviors that manifest low self-est
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sessions, participants may cover ev
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other way could you have given her
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APPENDIX: A FEEDBACK CHECKLIST Rati
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❚❘ INTERPERSONAL FEEDBACK AS CO
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Figure 2. Example of Inferential Pr
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❚❘ MAKING JUDGMENTS DESCRIPTIVE
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performance for you in your job wou
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❚❘ ALTERNATIVE DATA-FEEDBACK DE
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Figure 1. The Data-Collection/Feedb
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4. Hope. Not all of the feelings th
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example, people may feel that worki
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and that the formal work group is t
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The key characteristics of this app
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obviously, involves the degree to w
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members of the system (members of t
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Bowers, D.G., & Franklin, J.L. (197
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often rejected by the recipient; an
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initiated the feedback could benefi
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Blumberg, H.H. (1972). Communicatio
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❚❘ THE LOST ART OF FEEDBACK Han
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GUIDELINES FOR EFFECTIVE FEEDBACK T
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is appropriate and will be apprecia
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Giving Feedback: “You Can’t Tel
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They offer a logical and effective
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REFERENCE Blanchard, K., & Johnson,
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Consultant (to the client group):
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Consultant (to Member A): “What i
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saying what you wanted to say in th
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explicitly invites and allows the c
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Evaluation If Wheeler continues to
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Lack of time and energy is also a b
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❚❘ ENCOURAGEMENT: GIVING POSITI
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child, should never think that he o
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❚❘ CREATING CONDITIONS THAT ENC
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Table 1. Obstacles to Mentoring Fea
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Similarly, performance appraisal an
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structures and systems in the organ
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Page 257 and 258: opportunity to talk with a third pa
Page 259 and 260: Table 3 (continued). Structural Int
Page 261 and 262: The impact of the physical space of
Page 263 and 264: includes the education and involvem
Page 265 and 266: necessarily defined over time, step
Page 267 and 268: Harrison (1970) suggests that an in
Page 269 and 270: Deal, T.E., & Kennedy, A.A. (1982).
Page 271 and 272: ❚❘ IMPROVING THE USE OF BEHAVIO
Page 273 and 274: most dependent on coding. A simple
Page 275 and 276: model. This would prevent objection
Page 277 and 278: 1. Give participants a verbal model
Page 279 and 280: ❚❘ USING MENTORING FOR PROFESSI
Page 281 and 282: WHY INFORMAL MENTORING AND PERFORMA
Page 283 and 284: implementation are undertaken after
Page 285 and 286: ■ What skills will we need to imp
Page 287 and 288: The process of articulating a philo
Page 289 and 290: In addition, the nine mentors and t
Page 291 and 292: developed and successful: How will
Page 293 and 294: ❚❘ ATTRIBUTION THEORY: APPLICAT
Page 295: Dimensions of Attributions There ar
Page 298 and 299: and advantageous attributions for f
Page 300 and 301: Applications in the Managerial Coac
Page 302 and 303: ❚❘ CONFRONTATION: TYPES, CONDIT
Page 304 and 305: In summary, the purposes and motive
Page 308 and 309: Although creative growth is seldom
Page 310 and 311: ■ The Confidentiality Assumption:
Page 312 and 313: ❚❘ ASSERTION THEORY Colleen Kel
Page 314 and 315: Nonverbal Behavior Each response st
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Page 318 and 319: ❚❘ DEALING WITH ANGER John E. J
Page 320 and 321: DEALING WITH PERSONAL ANGER The obv
Page 322 and 323: ❚❘ CONTRACTING: A PROCESS AND A
Page 324 and 325: costs, courses of action, methods t
Page 326 and 327: A third advantage to contracting is
Page 328 and 329: ❚❘ ENCOURAGING OTHERS TO CHANGE
Page 330 and 331: usiness to intervene, you might mak
Page 332 and 333: 6. If you encounter resistance, shi
Page 334 and 335: could be created in a package deal.
Page 336 and 337: A MODEL OF NEGOTIATION Figure 3 sum
Page 338 and 339: ■ Exploratory moves often are pre
Page 340 and 341: ❚❘ THE NUTS AND BOLTS OF ASSERT
Page 342 and 343: 6. Mutuality: accepting another per
Page 344 and 345: Rights also imply responsibilities
Page 346 and 347: 2. Fogging. “I can see how you mi
Page 348 and 349: 3. Stating a need with a request fo
Page 350 and 351: We can follow Les, a fictional part
Page 352 and 353: SUMMARY This article has discussed
Page 354 and 355: Bloom, L.Z., Coburn, K., & Pearlman
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McCaffery, M. (1983). Personal mark
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❚❘ A POSITIVE APPROACH TO RESIS
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punished, or “sold” on what the
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❚❘ FOUR CULTURAL DIMENSIONS AND
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■ Change occurs by dethroning tho
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Where individualism is high, a thor
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1. The structure of a communication
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❚❘ SOCIAL INTERACTION AND ORGAN
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of defunct cultures. However, some
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form they take, these sequences des
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present as varied a support for his
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a remote outpost or office location
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the culture of the opponents is mod
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epulsion. Groups become cohesive wh
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Jourard, S.M. (1971). Self-disclosu
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about how to develop and use influe
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produce movement or change. Harriso
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managers were seen as transactional
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❚❘ DESIGNING MORE EFFECTIVE ORI
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consistency in linking newcomers wi
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3. First day at work. The new emplo
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IN CONCLUSION: ELEMENTS OF EFFECTIV
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5. The new employee has lunch with
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❚❘ LEGENDARY CUSTOMER SERVICE A
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These efforts dramatically communic
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FUNDAMENTAL 4: LISTEN The fact that
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Every organization must judge its a
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test their talents, and failing to
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❚❘ HOW TO MAKE NEW-EMPLOYEE ORI
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8. Adult-learning concepts guide th
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ORIENTATION-CONTENT CHECKLIST 1 Ins
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ORIENTATION-CONTENT CHECKLIST (cont
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❚❘ SEXUAL DIFFERENCES IN THE WO
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may even suppress female-oriented b
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learn to respect and to deal with t
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no female permanent secretaries in
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Hostile environment harassment occu
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instance “hostile” means that t
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■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ To lear
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helpful if the question does not ha
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❚❘ FROM VISION TO ACTION: DETER
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perspective, and she wanted both ma
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Instructions: Rate each of the foll
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❚❘ OPERATIONAL DEFINITIONS: AN
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and end users now define and redefi
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in meaningful ways. Each definition
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uilt on shared expectations and kno
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interpretations of the same or simi
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■ Benchmarking is “. . . the pr
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PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS We usually h
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