Hockenbury Discovering Psychology 5th txtbk

412 CHAPTER 9 Lifespan DevelopmentZITSZits cartoon, © Zits Partnership. Reprinted withspecial permission of King Features Syndicate.2. Listen to your children.Let your children express their opinions, and respect their preferenceswhen it’s reasonable to do so. In making rules and decisions,ask for their input and give it genuine consideration. Striveto be fair and flexible, especially on issues that are less thanearthshaking, such as which clothes they wear to school.3. Use induction to teach as you discipline.The most effective form of discipline is called induction becauseit induces understanding in the child. Induction combines controllinga child’s behavior with teaching (Hoffman, 1977, 1994). Putsimply, induction involves consistently explaining (a) the reasonfor prohibiting or performing certain behaviors; (b) the consequencesof the action for the child; and (c) the effect of the child’sbehavior on others. When parents use induction, the child beginsto understand that their actions are not completely arbitrary orunfair. The child is also more likely to internalize the reasoningand apply it in new situations (Kerr & others, 2004; Schulman &Mekler, 1985).4. Work with your child’s temperamental qualities.Think back to our earlier discussion of temperamental qualities.Be aware of your child’s natural temperament and work with it,not against it. If your child is very active, for example, it is unrealisticto expect him to sit quietly during a four-hour plane or bustrip. Knowing that, you can increase the likelihood of positive experiencesby planning ahead. Bring coloring books, picturebooks, or small toys to occupy the young child in a restaurant orat a family gathering. Take frequent “exercise stops” on a longcar trip. If your child is unusually sensitive, shy, or “slow-towarm-up,”give her plenty of time to make the transition to newsituations and provide lots of preparation so that she knowswhat to expect.5. Understand your child’s age-related cognitive abilitiesand limitations.Some parents make the mistake of assuming that children think inthe same way adults do. They may see a toddler or even an infantas purposely “misbehaving,” “being naughty,” or “rebelling,”when the little one is simply doing what 1-year-olds or 3-year-oldsdo. Your expectations for appropriate behavior should be gearedto the child’s age and developmental stage (Barclay & Houts,1995b). Having a thorough understanding of the information inthis chapter is a good start. You might also consider taking adevelopmental psychology or child development class. Or go toyour college library and check out some of the developmental psychologytexts. By understanding your child’s cognitive abilities andlimitations at each stage of development, you’re less likely to misinterpretbehavior or to place inappropriate demands on him.6. Don’t expect perfection, and learn to go with the flow.Accidents happen. Mistakes occur. Children get cranky orgrumpy, especially when they’re tired or hungry. Don’t get toobent out of shape when your child’s behavior is less than perfect.Be patient. Moments of conflict with children are a natural,inevitable, and healthy part of growing up. Look at thosemoments as part of the process by which a child achieves autonomyand a sense of self.Finally, effective parenting is an ongoing process in which you,as the parent, should be regularly assessing your impact on yourchild. It’s not always easy to combine responsiveness with control,or flexibility with an appropriate level of firmness. When youmake a mistake, admit it not just to yourself, but also to yourchild. In doing so, you’ll teach your child how to behave whenshe makes a mistake. As you’ll discover, children are remarkablyforgiving—and also resilient.