Hockenbury Discovering Psychology 5th txtbk

Individual Factors That Influence the Response to Stress517IN FOCUSProviding Effective Social SupportA close friend turns to you for help in a time of crisis or personaltragedy. What should you do or say? As we’ve noted in thischapter, appropriate social support can help people weathercrises and can significantly reduce the amount of distress thatthey feel. Inappropriate support, in contrast, may only makematters worse (Uchino, 2009).Researchers generally agree that there are three broad categoriesof social support: emotional, tangible, and informational.Each provides different beneficial functions (Peirce & others,1996; Taylor & Aspinwall, 1993).Emotional support includes expressions of concern, empathy,and positive regard. Tangible support involves direct assistance,such as providing transportation, lending money, or helping withmeals, child care, or household tasks. When people offer helpfulsuggestions, advice, or possible resources, they are providinginformational support.It’s possible that all three kinds of social support might be providedby the same person, such as a relative, spouse, or veryclose friend. More commonly, we turn to different people for differentkinds of support (Masters & others, 2007).Research by psychologist Stevan Hobfoll and his colleagues(1992) has identified several support behaviors that are typicallyperceived as helpful by people under stress. In a nutshell, you’remost likely to be perceived as helpful if you:• are a good listener and show concern and interest• ask questions that encourage the person under stress toexpress his or her feelings and emotions• express understanding about why the person is upset• express affection for the person, whether with a warm hugor simply a pat on the arm• are willing to invest time and attention in helping• can help the person with practical tasks, such as housework,transportation, or responsibilities at work or schoolJust as important is knowing what not to do or say. Here areseveral behaviors that, however well intentioned, are oftenperceived as unhelpful:• Giving advice that the person under stress has not requested• Telling the person, “I know exactly how you feel.” It’s amistake to think that you have experienced distress identicalto what the other person is experiencing• Talking about yourself or your own problems• Minimizing the importance of the person’s problem by sayingthings like, “Hey, don’t make such a big deal out of it,”“It could be a lot worse,” or “Don’t worry, everything willturn out okay"• Joking or acting overly cheerful• Offering your philosophical or religious interpretation of thestressful event by saying things like, “It’s just fate,” “It’sGod’s will,” or “It’s your karma”Finally, remember that although social support is helpful, it isnot a substitute for counseling or psychotherapy. If a friendseems overwhelmed by problems or emotions, or is having seriousdifficulty handling the demands of everyday life, you shouldencourage him or her to seek professional help. Most collegecampuses have a counseling center or a health clinic that canprovide referrals to qualified mental health workers. Sliding feeschedules, based on ability to pay, are usually available. Thus,you can assure the person that cost need not be an obstacle togetting help—or an additional source of stress!Of course, there was nothing Sandy or Fern could do to help Katie escape the chaosof lower Manhattan. Like Judy, Sandy and Fern became increasingly upset and worriedas they watched the events of the day unfold from hundreds of miles away withno news of Katie’s fate. When stressful events strike, women tend to reach out toone another for support and comfort (Taylor & others, 2000b).In contrast, men are more likely to be distressed only by negative events thathappen to their immediate family—their wives and children (Wethington & others,1987). Men tend to rely heavily on a close relationship with their spouse, placingless importance on relationships with other people. Women, in contrast, are morelikely to list close friends along with their spouse as confidants (Ackerman & others,2007; Shumaker & Hill, 1991). Because men tend to have a much smaller networkof intimate others, they may be particularly vulnerable to social isolation, especiallyif their spouse dies. Thus, it’s not surprising that the health benefits ofbeing married are more pronounced for men than for women (Kiecolt-Glaser &Newton, 2001).