A thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of - Etheses - Queen Margaret ...

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when I was in my teens I started to have more serious health problems… erm… in
relation to the condition that underlies all my illness… erm… I had mennorhagia…
very heavy periods… which would cripple me, basically… because I would be
anaemic… and I would be struggling to walk and things like that… one week out of
four… erm… again, I didn‟t really think of myself as being disabled, but I was
aware that I was on the receiving end of prejudice because of my illness, and….
particularly because it was the type of illness that people won‟t talk about at all,
because it‟s a taboo subject… to talk about menstruation… so, where I tried to
discuss it with girls at my school, people laughed at me and wouldn‟t believe me…
despite the evident fact that I was falling over one week out of every four…
(l.1:161ff.)
A sense is gained that it is considered inappropriate to talk about impairment not just within
formal or public situations, described by Erving Goffman as „the front regions‟, in which an
individual‟s performance is judged „as an effort to give the appearance that his activity…
maintains and embodies certain standards‟ (Goffman, 1976:110), but also to the „backstage
area‟ in which a performer can reasonably expect to be able to relax. Jennie further
comments:
It reminds me of what I‟ve been told… with regards to my sexuality in the past…
I‟ve had people say to me „We don‟t mind you being queer, but you don‟t have to
talk about it…‟ and I rather feel that with disabilities that people can‟t see there‟s
sometimes an attitude of „we don‟t mind you being disabled, but you can pretend it‟s
not the case‟ …it‟s convenient in polite society if you pass as normal… (l.1:297ff.)
Being told by friends and families, among whom it might be hoped one could drop the mask,
that even here the subjects of impairment and disability are unwelcome for discussion, leaves
little option but to turn these thoughts inwards.
Sometimes this message is made implicit by refusing to offer openings to begin to talk. Ash
comments of family occasions in Midlothian that:
...sometimes relatives at… erm… family gatherings… they don‟t really ask me what
I‟m doing because I think they‟re a wee bit nervous to… they know I don‟t work,
they know… it‟s not because of my physical disability that I don‟t work, it‟s because
of my nervousness and that… that‟s what I believe, anyway, but they don‟t ask…