A thesis submitted in partial fulfilment of - Etheses - Queen Margaret ...

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was a case of I just cut off all ties completely… (l.1:757ff.)
Being befriended out of sympathy is an experience that Sarah rejects for it involves a
dependence and humiliation which is felt as demeaning. Equality and mutual
respect, attraction and empathy rather than sympathy are necessary characteristics of
friendship. With these friends Sarah was cast in the disabled role, playing the part of a
grateful cripple who should be thankful that she has friends nice enough to overlook her
afflictions. The winners in this relationship were the friends, who were able to
feel good about themselves because showing willingness to spend time in Sarah‟s company
demonstrated their own virtue.
Sarah talks about the disempowering impact that these friendships had:
My friends before would be like “Oh, you can‟t talk like that… because you‟re
with us, and that‟s embarrassing us…” ... or if the other way it would be like they
would overtake… they would… they would get angry on my behalf… I had a big
argument with someone about it… I was, like, “Why did you do that...” …they were,
like, “Well, it‟s always you that‟s getting angry with them...”…and they felt like
they were doing me a favour… I was like “No… just listen… and then tell me…
don‟t try and be my voice… you know… just listen…” (l.1:789ff.).
To be told she cannot speak her mind because you‟re with us, and that‟s embarrassing
us sent Sarah a clear message that friendship was contingent upon staying within the
disabled role. It is unlikely her friends saw the contradiction in this relationship,
for they appear to have felt a genuine protectiveness towards her. In the situation Sarah
describes, a friend intervened on her behalf in what can be imagined to have been a
situation of discrimination or harassment. The disabled role here involves being seen as
being vulnerable and in need of the protection of others. The work involved in trying to have
her own voice respected is experienced by Sarah as tiresome.
Sarah restates this when she remarks:
people my own age don‟t really understand some of the issues and… and I don‟t
want to have to bring it up all the time… cos it gets kind of tiring to have to
explain… (l.1:954ff.)