E-Book of Articles - World Federation of Music Therapy

Schulberg, Cecilia: Many Vioces In One ...
trapped, there’s no way out - (I ask her where she feels that inside) in my
stomach and chest - it’s hard to breathe, hard to be shot - how could I get
caught like this?!....better to be a cat with no religion than a Jew from
Europe - [pause] the Germans are just eating and laughing, living life, and
the Jews are cowered, helpless - and the Germans are hungry, strong with
their power, and I feel that in my stomach, the people with power, the
upper hand, the authority - I’m not used to the feeling - I am and not, it’s a
horrible feeling of being trapped and caught, would rather be free - (I ask
her if she has an image of that) staying on the periphery of things,
interested but not involved - feels like I can never get away, I’m not good
at committing to things, and it’s about trust, trusting myself - I see myself
running away from the pit, everyone else is busy doing their own thing, and
I’m running as fast as I can, feeling it in my legs, and arms, feeling
powerful! (I encourage her to bring her feelings into her legs and arms) [she
moves them as if she’s running] - I’m not looking back, I don’t know why I’m
running, it’s bright and sunny -
[Here I switch the music back to the Nurturing program with the 5th.
selection, from Massenet’s Scenes Alsaciennes] I’m catching my breath,
smiling I did it again, I beat the system, I’m walking but I don’t know where
- I’m crying for the people who fell into the pit, ‘cause it’s over - I have an
image of going behind the Germans with a gun and shooting them all - and
telling everyone to run - it’s just a thought, I’m not doing it, I’m just
taking care of myself, just wandering in the forest, I’m free, and alone -
getting in tune with the people who were just killed and going up - and
they can’t believe it either, the souls, going up to another level, and I’m
waving goodbye, and I’m standing with my eyes closed.
(Slide 3: “Killing vs. Freedom” - Germans are black, she’s red, souls are
yellow on green grass, all around empty circle, happening outside, can’t get
to feelings, safer, struggle between being the victim and being the
aggressor, neither good, wants to feel feelings and stop analyzing)
This was the first time she was able to feel and express her suppressed rage
and fears: that was a scary thing for her to do. She experienced her inner
struggle between being the victim and being the aggressor, not wanting to
be either. She was aware of how she tried to be safe by being on the
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