1.5 - About University

✘✘✘Triangulating damages relationships.Triangulation doesn’t resolve the issue. Rather, itoften prolongs and amplifies disagreements andmisunderstandings.When people triangulate, open secrets thrive inorganizations. Eventually, most employees hearthrough the grapevine about others’ conflicts orproblems, but no one is able to openly admit thisknowledge for fear of exposing their source or theirrole in triangulating.Triangulation contaminates the work environment.It does this by drawing other people into disputes,often unnecessarily.Constructive alternatives to triangulating:✔ Talk with an outsider (e.g., a coach, a friend outsideof work, your spouse) with the clear intention ofseeking help in dealing with the issue. This can bedone without damaging workrelationships.✔ Talk with an insider (e.g., your boss, a person whoknows both you and the person you are having adisagreement with). Your intent and actions in thisconversation are critical. It must be an attempt toresolve the issue with the other person’s help.Empathize and speak of the other person withrespect. You must also be willing to look at your partin the disagreement, as opposed to just blaming theother person.✔ Develop your conflict management skills viatraining, reading, or coaching. Practice what youlearn. Take care to ensure that your communicationremains balanced and constructive and focuses onfinding solutions rather than catching the otherperson doing something wrong.H OW TO USE THIS LEADERSHIP TOOL“Triangles take countless forms, but we can count on the fact that when tensions rise between two parties, athird will be triangled in, lowering anxiety in the original pair.”—Harriet Lerner, THE DANCE OF INTIMACYTriangulation is deadly in teams, and in organizations generally. Use this tool to become moreself-aware and to observe your own communication habits. Also, listen for triangulation withinyour workgroup or team. Discuss this concept with peers and team members. Use the spaceprovided to reflect on triangulation within your workplace. You’re bound to improve yourcommunication habits if you’re willing to struggle honestly with these questions.WEB WORKSHEETSelf-awareness is an essential attribute of leadership. Reflect briefly on your own communication over the past months.What one or two indirect communications (i.e., triangulating) have you been participating in that could potentiallydamage your or other people’s relationships within the organization?[☛ 15.3 JoHari Window, 15.4 Ladder of Inference]370 SECTION 12 TOOLS FOR LEADING RELATIONSHIPS