1.5 - About University

12.4G IVING AND R ECEIVING F EEDBACK:T HE D OS AND D ON’ TSInspired by Carl Rogers, Shaun Murphy, David Irvine, and numerous other sources.Feedback is fundamental to effective leadership, and a leader must be willing to take personalresponsibility for both giving and receiving difficult feedback. If you’re not getting a lot of feedbackfrom others, it may be because of how you have received feedback in the past, rather thanbecause others don’t have information that would be valuable to you. Conversely, if peopledon’t want feedback from you, it may be related to how you have provided feedback to themin the past, rather than because they wouldn’t find value in your perspective. [☛ 1.8 RecursiveLeadership]G UIDELINES FOR FEEDBACKHelping others to receive your feedbackHelping others to give you feedbackSteps1. Check to see if the other person is willing to hear yourfeedback (e.g., an appropriate time, place).2. Focus on:− your specific observations (what you saw the otherperson say or do, without interpreting or evaluating);− the consequences of this behavior;− your reactions to this behavior;− things that are within the other person’s control tochange (e.g., arrive on time for the weekly meetings).3. State what you want.4. Thank the other person for listening.Steps1. Listen, even if it hurts.− Make eye contact.− Show you’re listening by summarizing the feedbackinto your own words.− Clarify by asking for examples.2. Find at least one part of the feedback that’s useful. Evenif the feedback feels incorrect, find a kernel of truth.3. Thank the giver for the feedback, even if it was givenpoorly.4. Say what you will do with the feedback, even if it’s onlyto think about it for awhile.Dos and Don’ts➢ Describe, don’t evaluate.➢ Avoid inferences, labels, and judgments.➢ Avoid hearsay. Speak from your own experience.➢ Don’t triangulate. If a third party is to be involved,arrange for that person to be present.➢ Don’t repeat yourself. Say it once; then listen.➢ Don’t give advice unless it’s asked for.➢ Avoid raising nonrelated issues from the past.➢ Don’t let things build. Give feedback as soon aspossible.➢ Don’t ignore the importance of timing. There are badtimes to raise certain issues.➢ Be careful about pursuing why. Doing so questionsother people’s motives, and usually results in theirbecoming defensive.Dos and Don’ts➢ It’s natural and okay to feel defensive; just don’t act it.➢ Be careful about assuming motive, but if you areconvinced that the other person’s intentions are nothonorable, then walk away. Don’t subject yourself tocheap shots.➢ Don’t discount, downplay, or deny. These actionsdecrease the likelihood of getting more feedback.➢ Don’t do other activities while receiving feedback.(Even if you’re hearing every word, your actions will bemisinterpreted.)➢ Avoid overloading yourself. When you have received allthe feedback that you can handle at the moment, letthe giver know.➢ Don’t expect to be given feedback in a thoughtful,polite, or helpful way. Expecting this limits yourlearning. The most helpful information sometimescomes from people who give feedback awkwardly.372 SECTION 12 TOOLS FOR LEADING RELATIONSHIPS