SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

100 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
MOM:
LUCY:
MOM:
LUCY:
MOM:
LUCY:
MOM:
All right, Lucy, off you go now. Look both ways before you
cross the street, and don’t forget that it usually takes
perennials three years after you plant them to reach their
mature size. I love you.
Love you too, Mom. The best way to keep weeds out of the
garden is weeding and hand-hoeing.
That’s my girl!
And sphagnum moss is a good medium for growing
succulents indoors.
(pausing and frowning slightly)
Lucy, how do you know about sphagnum? We have never had
any, and Dad and I have never, ever spoken of it.
(smiles and shrugs)
(another pause and frown, then brightening)
Okay, off to school! Love you!
SCENE:
US Highway 44 between Oklahoma City and Tulsa. Bob is driving east,
listening to a podcast, when he sees rapidly flashing blue and red lights
zooming up behind him. He looks at his speedometer. Yikes! — he’s been