SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

20 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
stealth attack base just below ground the night before. And oh your
hands the pain won’t be going away for weeks and now that they’ve
shown you what they can do you’re awaiting their demand for ten
percent off the top of your weekly household income plus assorted
daily table scraps in return for protection. . . .
• Will you be able to maintain equanimity if everything you have labored
long and hard to grow is killed by frost, deer, hail, locusts, moles,
rabbits, aphids, asparagus beetles, cabbage worms, carrot rust flies,
Colorado potato beetles, cucumber beetles, cutworms, flea beetles, leaf
miners, Mexican bean beetles, slugs, snails, squash bugs, squash vine
borers, tomato hornworms, whiteflies, cabbage maggots, caterpillars,
tarnished plant bugs, Japanese beetles, scales, jealous neighborhood
gardeners who would rather destroy others’ gardens than suffer
gardens superior to their own, mindless texting motorists who drive
off the road and bulldoze across your yard and garden, a random
sinkhole opening beneath your property and instantly swallowing your
garden and house and yard and maybe your neighborhood in one gulp
. . . or some combination of the above?
If you’re OK with all this, then gardening
just might be for you.