SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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Questions & AnthersEvery gardener, matter how experienced, runs into situations wherethey’re uncertain what to do. Our Quippery gardening experts are here tohelp.My raspberries yield almost no berries — it’s like they don’t knowwhat they’re supposed to do.Don’t forget that raspberries need to be trained, just like any other pet.When they do produce a nice berry, reward them with a couple offertilizer pellets. In 3–4 weeks you should see better results.My entire garden has just been wiped out by a 100-year midsummerhailstorm.Allow yourself to grieve, but not too long. Embrace the new reality: Younow have a super low-maintenance garden. Enjoy, friend.
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 285My garden has been invaded by moles — they’re starting to turnmy garden into Swiss cheese.You need to build a wall around your garden. You’ll want to go 6-7 feetdeep.That’s going to be expensive.You get the moles to pay for it.I can’t grow blueberries in my garden no matter what. I’ve spentseven years at it, adjusting soil pH, adding compost, sulfur, othersoil amendments, mulch combinations. Nada!Go to the supermarket and buy yourself some nice packages of organicblueberries. Save your money and enjoy. Take it easy, friend.My plants only want to listen to classical music — in fact theythrive on it — but I prefer rock ‘n’ roll.Try some Emerson, Lake, and Palmer and see how they feel. If thatresonates, experiment with some other prog rock outfits. Otherwise — cueup the three B’s and enjoy.
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
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Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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