SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 19
• Will you look forward strolling out to your garden to enjoy a tranquil
afternoon break from the pressures of work, a languid break in the
warm summer sun, songbirds chirruping, breezes flowing around you,
allowing yourself some well-deserved BAM! BAM! industrial air
power staples shoot into the back of each hand straight through your
brand-new protective garden gloves BAM! a power staple to the back
of your knee BAM! another power
staple to the identical spot on
your left hand. Three
menacing furry objects the size
of golf balls zero in
around your head. You
sprint like mad away
from the garden, your
whole body aching.
Now you circle around
to the other side to view
the garden and from 30
feet away see three
dozen heavily muscled Blackwater-trained black and yellow
bumblebee mercenary assassins swirling in a cloud above the ground
where you’d unsuspectingly bent down to pull stray grass, each of
them a miniature SuperCobra attack helicopter having constructed a