SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

102 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
August. Same with Oakleaf if you want to control its size or
shape. But your Smooth and Peegee and Limelights, you want
to prune those guys in the spring, before the buds appear.
BOB:
That’s really expert advice, officer — thank you.
OFFICER: OK, you take care now and have a good trip home. Pick up
some hydrangeas for your mama, you hear?
SCENE:
College basketball locker room, halftime during the playoffs. The players
are gathered with the coach.
COACH:
PLAYER:
COACH:
Guys, State was supposed to blow us out of the water in this
game — and we’re up by three points! We’re playing right
with them — and we’ve got the momentum. You can do this!
But remember: If you’re applying manure to your soil, be
sure it cures for at least six months and is fully composted
and rotted — otherwise the high nitrogen content can
actually ‘burn’ your plants.”
Fresh manure can also harbor parasites and pathogens.
Great tip, Eddie. That’s the leadership that inspired your
teammates to elect you team captain.