SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

14 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
• Will you feel your relationship
with your raspberry bushes is
one-sided if after spending
three years lovingly tending to
them, weeding and watering,
and, in return, your bushes
have yielded a total harvest of
just four lentil-sized berries?
• How would you feel having a
magnificent, 20-foot-tall pear
tree in your front yard,
producing bushels of plump
pears every season?
• And for some unknown reason,
these pears never ripen but
remain rock hard.
• How about an apple tree, which
you purchase as a sapling from a professional grower with an
agronomy PhD, who says this is his favorite variety, it produces
abundant and delicious applies, and it grows well in your area?
• And your actual tree produces small, hard, often misshapen, wincingly
tart apples — apples that are nevertheless attractive to bees, who