SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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242 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDSfiller to stretch the meal enough to make it go around. If you have surprisedinner guests, you simply add zucchini and what was designed to feedfour will now feed 12.This summer Ann has become to zucchini what George WashingtonCarver was to the peanut. She has served zucchini pizza, zucchini cake,zucchini-apple pie, zucchini lasagna, zucchini soup, zucchini stroganoff,Moo Goo Gai Zucchini, Zucchini Burrito el Grande and Zucchini Bombaywith Cherry Sauce. All of that was thoroughly disgusting in appearance buttasted like absolutely nothing except whatever sauce she poured over it.And, outside of Zucchini Bombay with Cherry Sauce (which I sealedin a plastic bag and hid behind a couch cushion when she went to answerthe doorbell), we managed to swallow most of it.In addition to the endless culinary delights she has created withzucchini, she also says she can make other things from it — such as glue,shoe polish, varnish remover, deodorant soap and anti-depressantsuppositories. She currently is working on a method of spinning zucchiniinto pantyhose.And a wonderful part of all of this — Ann says — is that the morezucchini you use the more you seem to have. Our entire refrigerator is full.The cabinet tops are full. The freezer is full. Even my work bench in thegarage has been taken over by zucchini, blissfully waiting to become apart of some future giant step for humanity.Meanwhile out in the garden, the plants continue to produce at a rate
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 243of about six squash a second and friends and neighbors from around theglobe continue to donate more.Who says the world is doomed to end in the dust of a nuclear mushroom?From my house it appears we may all simply be squashed to death.The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you planta single seed, hundreds of zucchinis will barge out of the ground andsprawl around the garden, menacing the other vegetables. At night, youwill be able to hear the ground quake as more and more zucchinis erupt.— Dave BarryLast night we had three small zucchinis for dinner that were grown withinfifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere in theneighborhood of $371.49 each.— Andy Rooney
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Page 203 and 204: Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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