SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

36 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
desiccated dead mouse. An empty wasp nest fallen from the ceiling. The
smell of last summer’s gasoline spill. A couple of large, heavy, dusty bags
of sphagnum moss, one of them split and leaking, dark sphagnum
spreading ominously across the floor. Clay pots, some whole, some
cracked, one in pieces. Empty egg cartons. Random pieces of ground
cloth. A dusty box of CDs.
Making authentic, well worn-looking sheds has become an artform,
and no two sheds are alike.
Normally it would take years to get your shed in such fine condition.
That’s why these sheds go for top dollar. They’re assembled and furnished
by hand, in small quantities, for the most discerning gardeners.
Who buys these lovingly curated sheds? Rich Middle Eastern sheikhs.
That’s right. They’re the top customers. In the gardens outside their goldgilded
palaces, they want genuine American garden sheds — the premier
Americana artifact, in their view — and they’ll pay any price. They don’t
want them bigger than they’d be in America. But they must be authentic.
Then they’re flown on private jets to Saudi Arabia and Qatar and Oman.
The small, family-owned businesses that make these sheds for Middle
Eastern royalty call them sheikh shacks.
Is there anything so garish and out-of-place-looking than a bright
metal shed? Would you want your house to look like that? Your dog’s
house?