SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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102 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDSAugust. Same with Oakleaf if you want to control its size orshape. But your Smooth and Peegee and Limelights, you wantto prune those guys in the spring, before the buds appear.BOB:That’s really expert advice, officer — thank you.OFFICER: OK, you take care now and have a good trip home. Pick upsome hydrangeas for your mama, you hear?SCENE:College basketball locker room, halftime during the playoffs. The playersare gathered with the coach.COACH:PLAYER:COACH:Guys, State was supposed to blow us out of the water in thisgame — and we’re up by three points! We’re playing rightwith them — and we’ve got the momentum. You can do this!But remember: If you’re applying manure to your soil, besure it cures for at least six months and is fully compostedand rotted — otherwise the high nitrogen content canactually ‘burn’ your plants.”Fresh manure can also harbor parasites and pathogens.Great tip, Eddie. That’s the leadership that inspired yourteammates to elect you team captain.
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 103PLAYER:COACH:What about pig, dog, and cat manure?Never put any of that in your compost pile or garden — itcould hold parasites that can infect humans. Now go outthere and win this thing!SCENE:Harry and Sally’s bedroom, Saturday night. Harry and Sally are youngprofessionals, thirty-somethings, smart, beautiful, athletic. They’ve justspent the day working in their garden and have climbed into bed together.SALLY:HARRY:SALLY:HARRY:SALLY:What a beautiful day we had.We sure did. Loved it. Love you.Harry?Yeah?Harry, would you do that thing I like?HARRY: Do you mean —SALLY:HARRY:Yes. Do it now — please.(leaning closer and whispers in her ear)Aphids can be controlled with a strong shot of water from thehose or by spraying the leaves with insecticidal soap.
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
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Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
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Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
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REPotted
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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