SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

More documents

Recommendations

Info

226 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDScloth, the better. We recommend rubberized canvas. Hazmat suits arehighly effective.• Then stay inside and watch TV.RAKESGardeners famously leave rakes on the ground with tines upturned — onlyto step on the tines in such a way as to lever the rake handle rapidlyupward, just like in the cartoons, cracking themselves on the face andforehead.Or else they will step directly down onto the tines, impaling their feet.When patients arrive at ER with a line of perfectly spaced holes throughtheir feet, the doctors don’t even ask how it happened — especially if thepatient has dirt under the fingernails.Smart gardening tips for RAKE SAFETY• Avoid using rakes.• If you must use a rake, make sure, when you lay it on the ground, thatthe tines are facing up — NO, sorry! — facing down.• When you are not using the rake, keep it carefully locked up sochildren cannot get to it.• Write your government leaders about passing common sense rake
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 227laws. See the NRA (National Rake Association) website for a summaryof proposed laws, supported by a vast majority of Americans.INSECTSChiggersContrary to popular belief, chiggers do not lay eggs beneath your skin,which then hatch and grow, feasting on your subcutaneous bodily fluids,laying eggs of their own, which hatch and migrate to different regions ofyour body, generation after generation, until that species of chiggerevolves out of existence, but not before leaving your body a shriveled,fleshless, pock-marked bag of skin.This is just “suburban legend.” The truth is: It’s worse.No, seriously — chigger bites are not fatal. But sometimes you maywish they were.Smart gardening tips for INSECT SAFETY• Coat yourself with insect repellent. Do this AFTER you’ve coveredyourself with sunscreen.• Make sure no areas of skin are exposed.
Page 3:
Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
Page 6 and 7:
Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
Page 9 and 10:
TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
Page 11 and 12:
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 13 and 14:
Is Gardening For You?One in three A
Page 15 and 16:
Page 17 and 18:
Page 19 and 20:
Page 21 and 22:
Page 23 and 24:
Page 25 and 26:
Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
Page 27 and 28:
Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
Page 29 and 30:
Page 31 and 32:
Page 33 and 34:
Page 35 and 36:
Page 37 and 38:
Page 39 and 40:
Page 41 and 42:
Page 43 and 44:
Page 45 and 46:
Page 47 and 48:
Page 49 and 50:
Page 51 and 52:
Deciding What to PlantStarting your
Page 53 and 54:
Page 55 and 56:
Page 57 and 58:
Page 59 and 60:
Page 61 and 62:
Page 63 and 64:
Page 65 and 66:
Page 67 and 68:
Page 69 and 70:
Page 71 and 72:
Page 73 and 74:
Page 75 and 76:
Page 77 and 78:
Page 79 and 80:
Page 81 and 82:
Page 83 and 84:
Page 85 and 86:
Page 87 and 88:
Page 89 and 90:
Page 91 and 92:
Page 93 and 94:
Page 95 and 96:
Page 97 and 98:
Page 99 and 100:
Page 101 and 102:
Page 103 and 104:
Page 105 and 106:
Page 107 and 108:
Page 109 and 110:
Page 111 and 112:
Page 113 and 114:
Page 115 and 116:
Page 117 and 118:
Page 119 and 120:
Page 121 and 122:
Page 123 and 124:
Page 125 and 126:
Page 127 and 128:
Page 129 and 130:
Page 131 and 132:
Page 133 and 134:
Page 135 and 136:
Page 137 and 138:
Page 139 and 140:
Page 141 and 142:
Page 143 and 144:
Page 145 and 146:
Page 147 and 148:
Page 149 and 150:
Page 151 and 152:
Page 153 and 154:
Page 155 and 156:
Page 157 and 158:
Page 159 and 160:
The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
Page 161 and 162:
Page 163 and 164:
Page 165 and 166:
Page 167 and 168:
Page 169 and 170:
Page 171 and 172:
Page 173 and 174:
Page 175 and 176:
Page 177 and 178: THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 203 and 204: Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
Page 219 and 220: Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
Page 225 and 226: Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
Page 227: THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 241 and 242: Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
Page 257 and 258: REPotted
Page 279 and 280:
Page 281 and 282:
Page 283 and 284:
Page 285 and 286:
Page 287 and 288:
Page 289 and 290:
Page 291 and 292:
Page 293 and 294:
Page 295 and 296:
Page 297 and 298:
Page 299 and 300:
Page 301 and 302:
Page 303 and 304:
Page 305 and 306:
The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
Page 307 and 308:
Page 309 and 310:
Page 311 and 312:
Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
Page 313 and 314:
Page 315 and 316:
Page 317 and 318:
Page 319 and 320:
Page 321 and 322:
Page 323 and 324:
Page 325 and 326:
Page 327 and 328:
Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
Page 329 and 330:
Page 331 and 332:
Page 333 and 334:
Page 335 and 336:
Page 337 and 338:
Page 339 and 340:
AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
Page 341 and 342:
Page 343 and 344:
Page 345 and 346:
Page 347 and 348:
Page 349 and 350:
Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
Page 351 and 352:
show all

SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?