SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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Lawns, St. Francis, and GodGOD – St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in theworld is going on down there in the USA? What happened to thedandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect,no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the longlasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. Iexpected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are thesegreen rectangles.ST. FRANCIS – It’s the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to killthem and replace them with grass.GOD – Grass? But it’s so boring. It’s not colorful. It doesn’t attractbutterflies, birds, and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It’s temperamental
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 197with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grassgrowing there?ST. FRANCIS – Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it andkeep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoningany other plant that crops up in the lawn.GOD – The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass growreally fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.ST. FRANCIS – Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cutit, sometimes twice a week.GOD – They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?ST. FRANCIS – Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it inbags.GOD – They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?ST. FRANCIS – No, sir — just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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Page 159 and 160: The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Page 203 and 204: Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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REPotted
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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