SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 83
from The Onion
NEWS IN BRIEF
Flower Freaking Out After Realizing There’s A Bee On It
CAMILLA, GA — Remaining perfectly motionless despite its mounting
terror, Zinnia peruviana FL77542PM4 found itself on the verge of panic
Monday after noticing a honeybee had landed on one of its petals. “Oh,
fuck. Oh, fuck me. Okay, deep breaths. Maybe it just wants to rest for a
second and then it’ll fly away,” said the magenta-hued flower, trying to
keep in mind that bees only sting when defending the hive, and to the best
of its knowledge, it had not gone anywhere near one. “Shit, it must be
attracted to my bright coloration. Oh, God, oh, God, it’s going towards my
stamen! I know it’s irrational, but I’m sorry, I fucking hate these things.”
FL77542PM4 was later relieved when the bee flew away without incident,
but freaked out again just moments later upon realizing it was standing
right on top of a worm.
You know you are a hard-core gardener if you deadhead flowers in other
people’s gardens.
— Sue Careless