SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

Mango Menace
from Dave Barry
“I’m busy worrying about being killed by our mango tree”
I’m busy worrying about being killed by our mango tree. Our new yard
has a mango tree, which I bet sounds like exotic fun to those of you who
live in normal climates, right? Just think of it! All the mangoes you need,
right in your own yard!
The problem is that, mango-wise, you don’t need a whole lot. You
take one bite, and that takes care of your mango needs until at least the
next presidential administration. But the mangoes keep coming. They’re a
lot like zucchini, which erupt out of the ground far faster than you could
eat them even if you liked them, which nobody does, so you start lugging
hundreds of pounds of zucchini to your office in steel-reinforced shopping
bags, hoping your co-workers will be stupid enough to take some home,
except of course they’re lugging in their zucchini, all summer long, tons of
them coming in, until the entire office building collapses in a twisted
tangle of girders and telephone message slips and zucchini pulp, out of
which new vines start to spring immediately.