SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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232 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDSIf your garden is in the Amazon rainforest, you can of course expectto see the occasional green anaconda slithering its 17-foot, 150-poundbody among your zucchini, on the hunt for a dog, cat, or child. Do notthink you can make it go away by punching it in the nose (that’s forsharks), making a ruckus (bears), or staring it in the eyes (uncomfortablefirst dates).Smart gardening tips for SNAKE safety• Avoid working in your garden when snakes are not hibernating.COMPOST PILESStandard around many gardens, these can pose grave danger. Heavenforbid you should fall into a compost pile — and it can happen.Smart gardening tips for COMPOST SAFETY• Do not allow children to play unsupervised around the compost pile.• Do not tend the compost pile while under the influence of alcohol,drugs, or anything that impairs mental clarity.• Be sure to have life rings nearby. Airboats work well for larger compostpile rescues.
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 233If you fall into a compost pilePlease know what to do — ahead of time. The technique is like escapingfrom quicksand:• Keep calm.• If you happen to be holding a rake, a shovel, or a lawnmower, try touse these implements to pull yourself toward “shore.”• If you’re in only up to your knees, sit down slowly. If you’re up to your
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Page 203 and 204: Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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