SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

More documents

Recommendations

Info

16 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS• Even when they’ve somehow managed to penetrate the impenetrablefencing you’ve placed around your Korean lilacs before the frigidwinter, with rabbit pellets evenly distributed on both sides of thefencing as if the fence did not exist, with no breach in the fencing andno burrowing beneath it, and with rabbits having thoroughly strippedthe bark from the lower branches, leaving the now naked branchesgleaming like bones in the sunlight and your lilacs surely doomed?• When you see deer, do marvel at this mythical marvel of grace?• Even when they’ve levitated over your fence into your yard and arenonchalantly munching on your apples?• Are you aware that being an effective gardener requires a level ofknowledge and training equal to becoming a medical doctor?• Which means knowledge of botany, agronomy, biology, meteorology,philology, chemistry, and alchemy?• And Latin?• As for biology — You don’t want to suffer ridicule for ignorance of thelodicule. Or be stigmatized for ignorance of the stigma. And whenpeople ask you questions about anthers — you’d better have anthers.• And what about the biological reproductive issues? Do you identifymore with the pistil or the stamen? Or perhaps you identify as a transplant?
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 17• Chemistry — Will you becomfortable with learningsoil chemistry? Basicknowledge like whetheryour soil is too “basic?”The macronutrients andmicronutrients every plantneeds to survive andwhere to get them in easyto-swallowcapsule ortablet form? Will youenjoy learning how to testyour soil, includingdetermining whethermultiple-choice, shortanswer,or essay questionsare best? And speaking of chemistry, do you know where you’ll go toget a good lab coat, test tubes, and eye protectors?• And even though you’ve always wondered why anyone would studyLatin, a long-dead language that even ancient Romans hated learning,are you prepared to learn the essential Latin terminology you’ll needas a gardener? Should you shelter your children from Phaseolusvulgaris? Are you sure you’ll want to touch a Phaseolus coccineus? Do
Page 3: Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
Page 6 and 7: Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
Page 9 and 10: TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
Page 11 and 12: THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 13 and 14: Is Gardening For You?One in three A
Page 17: THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 25 and 26: Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
Page 27 and 28: Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
Page 51 and 52: Deciding What to PlantStarting your
Page 69 and 70:
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 71 and 72:
Page 73 and 74:
Page 75 and 76:
Page 77 and 78:
Page 79 and 80:
Page 81 and 82:
Page 83 and 84:
Page 85 and 86:
Page 87 and 88:
Page 89 and 90:
Page 91 and 92:
Page 93 and 94:
Page 95 and 96:
Page 97 and 98:
Page 99 and 100:
Page 101 and 102:
Page 103 and 104:
Page 105 and 106:
Page 107 and 108:
Page 109 and 110:
Page 111 and 112:
Page 113 and 114:
Page 115 and 116:
Page 117 and 118:
Page 119 and 120:
Page 121 and 122:
Page 123 and 124:
Page 125 and 126:
Page 127 and 128:
Page 129 and 130:
Page 131 and 132:
Page 133 and 134:
Page 135 and 136:
Page 137 and 138:
Page 139 and 140:
Page 141 and 142:
Page 143 and 144:
Page 145 and 146:
Page 147 and 148:
Page 149 and 150:
Page 151 and 152:
Page 153 and 154:
Page 155 and 156:
Page 157 and 158:
Page 159 and 160:
The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
Page 161 and 162:
Page 163 and 164:
Page 165 and 166:
Page 167 and 168:
Page 169 and 170:
Page 171 and 172:
Page 173 and 174:
Page 175 and 176:
Page 177 and 178:
Page 179 and 180:
Page 181 and 182:
Page 183 and 184:
Page 185 and 186:
Page 187 and 188:
Page 189 and 190:
Page 191 and 192:
Page 193 and 194:
Page 195 and 196:
Page 197 and 198:
Page 199 and 200:
Page 201 and 202:
Page 203 and 204:
Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
Page 205 and 206:
Page 207 and 208:
Page 209 and 210:
Page 211 and 212:
Page 213 and 214:
Page 215 and 216:
Page 217 and 218:
Page 219 and 220:
Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
Page 221 and 222:
Page 223 and 224:
Page 225 and 226:
Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
Page 227 and 228:
Page 229 and 230:
Page 231 and 232:
Page 233 and 234:
Page 235 and 236:
Page 237 and 238:
Page 239 and 240:
Page 241 and 242:
Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
Page 243 and 244:
Page 245 and 246:
Page 247 and 248:
Page 249 and 250:
Page 251 and 252:
Page 253 and 254:
Page 255 and 256:
Page 257 and 258:
REPotted
Page 259 and 260:
Page 261 and 262:
Page 263 and 264:
Page 265 and 266:
Page 267 and 268:
Page 269 and 270:
Page 271 and 272:
Page 273 and 274:
Page 275 and 276:
Page 277 and 278:
Page 279 and 280:
Page 281 and 282:
Page 283 and 284:
Page 285 and 286:
Page 287 and 288:
Page 289 and 290:
Page 291 and 292:
Page 293 and 294:
Page 295 and 296:
Page 297 and 298:
Page 299 and 300:
Page 301 and 302:
Page 303 and 304:
Page 305 and 306:
The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
Page 307 and 308:
Page 309 and 310:
Page 311 and 312:
Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
Page 313 and 314:
Page 315 and 316:
Page 317 and 318:
Page 319 and 320:
Page 321 and 322:
Page 323 and 324:
Page 325 and 326:
Page 327 and 328:
Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
Page 329 and 330:
Page 331 and 332:
Page 333 and 334:
Page 335 and 336:
Page 337 and 338:
Page 339 and 340:
AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
Page 341 and 342:
Page 343 and 344:
Page 345 and 346:
Page 347 and 348:
Page 349 and 350:
Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
Page 351 and 352:
show all

SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?