SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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126 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDSflame decals and chrome hood-locks affixed upon them to express yourpatriotic attitude, although you rarely use these vehicles to transportanything but deceased wildlife and the weapons needed to dispatch them.You are the mainstay and the backbone of America, particularly thatportion of this Great Land that makes a living from stick-in-the-groundcartoon characters whose legs spin around with every passing breeze.You are very likely the happiest people alive on the planet today.300–400: THE GARDENING MAD — Ah, yes. You are the ones who sendaway for worms and stinging insects advertised in mail-order catalogs.You are the ones who devote yourselves to the love and lore of compostingand its materials; of hoeing and deadheading and digging and planting,and of thinking deeply about it and planning to do and buy and gathereven more of everything, winter and summer, including, or especially,large quantities of steaming pig manure, which you consider an extremelyfascinating topic of conversation. You may also believe in such things asgardening by the moon, holistic blackberry enemas for curing headaches,and the possibility of a balanced federal budget in your personal lifetime.You are, let us say, idealistic. . . . Anyway, you are smitten, and that’s allthere is to it.You may request to be buried with trowel and claw crossed over yourbosom and an onion on each of your eyes.
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 127400+ NEVERMIND — I don’t know who you people are at all. I don’teven know what you are doing here. . . . In the meanwhile, those of youwho scored in this category can go back to whatever it was that you weredoing before this test came along. I’m sure it was every bit as worthwhileas gardening, such as figuring out how to buy the airspace over Wal-Mart,or planning the industrial development of Tierra del Fuego, or whatever.— Garden Madness: The Unpruned Truth About a Blooming Passion
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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Page 159 and 160: The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
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Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
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Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
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REPotted
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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