SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 179
I consider every plant hardy until I have killed it myself.
— Peter Smithers, botanist and British diplomat
I belong to Gardeners Anonymous. Whenever I feel the urge to break the
soil, I call a number and a horticulturist rushes over to tie me to the
trellis. You see, I have a black thumb. I’m an Israeli in reverse: I turn
gardens into deserts.
— Michael Feldman, Whad’ya Know?
Can’t even get compost to rot . . .
My ability to produce compost efficiently is way up there with my ability
to attract nesting birds. What happens when I put leaves or grass into a
compost bin would surely interest scientists.
Nothing happens at all. No decomposition takes place whatsoever.
It’s like the moment plant matter goes in through the top everything
becomes cryogenically frozen.
— Ivor Grump, The Grumpy Gardener’s Handbook