SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

120 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
15. A severe storm sends damaging wind, rain, and hailstones
across the land. Afterward, you:
(a) Instruct Jeeves to send condolences to old Grimes, the Yard Man who
sees to the raking. What with the poor codger’s arthritis and all, it
certainly was a spot of bloody rotten luck, wasn’t it?
(b) Speak to your insurance representative when you meet at the club for
your Thursday morning foursome at nine.
(c) Spend a couple of days propping the Holy Mother’s blue-painted
bathtub back up where it belongs in the coleus shrine.
(d) Realize that the forces of Nature are part of the cycle of life, and that
broken-off blossoms and branches will make fine additions to the
compost heap, at least.
(e) Complain to the cable company about power outages during Wide
World of Sports.
16. Hordes of insect pests are attacking your vegetables and
flowers. You:
(a) Have already left for the Opening Day Races at Ascot Downs, so you
are not available to answer this question.