SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

294 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
Day after demoralizing day I would walk onto the property and see
new damage that those blasted cottontails had done to my fresh plantings.
That first summer in particular, anyone within earshot would have heard
me weaving a tapestry of obscenities as I walked from bed to bed.
“Hellfire and damnation!! Those scumbags! Those a-holes!” I have a potty
mouth when I see a perfectly good bloom just lying there decapitated on
the ground with that telltale diagonal bite mark
on its stem. Sufferin’ succotash!
There are certain flowers that those
blasted bunnies will just eat like
salad — blooms, leaves, stem,
everything. Thinking about
putting petunias in your
yard? Nasturtiums? Tulips?
Think again.
With the uncanny number
of wabbits around this particular
neighborhood — procreating regularly every
four to six weeks—the sight of a baby bunny was no
longer cute. In fact, babies are the worst culprits.
Younger rabbits haven’t learned yet which plants
they don’t like, so they’ll bite into anything that seems remotely
like food, just to have a taste. Once they’ve taken a chomp, they might not