SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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Lawn OrderA lawn is nature under totalitarian rule.— Michael PollanA perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing,the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.— James DentI always thought a yard was three feet, then I started mowing the lawn.— C.E. CowmanThere’s one good thing about snow — it makes your lawn look as nice asyour neighbor’s.— Clyde Moore
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 185from The OnionNEWS IN BRIEFDad Busy Throwing Seeds Or Something On LawnWARRENSBURG, MO — Speculating that it’s probably meant to makethe grass greener or fuller or something, living room sources reportedThursday that local dad Brian Winfield, 45, is currently busy throwinglittle seeds of some kind all over the front lawn. “He’s been at it for a fewhours now,” said Megan Winfield, 15, who confirmed that her father iscarrying a large bag around, grabbing handfuls of small grain-like kernels,and dropping them methodically on the grass. “He got up really early todo this, so apparently it’s important. He does it every year.” At press time,Winfield was reportedly standing at the edge of the lawn, wiping thesweat from his brow and admiring whatever it was he had just done.Nothing says “This is someone else’s problem now” quite like a leafblower.— UnknownGrass is the cheapest plant to install and the most expensive to maintain.— Pat Howell
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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Page 159 and 160: The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Page 203 and 204: Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
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REPotted
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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