SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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Gangrene ThumbsI have no plants in my house. They won’t live for me. Some of them don’teven wait to die, they commit suicide.— Jerry SeinfeldI’ve killed so many plants. I walked into a nursery once and my face wason a wanted poster.— Rita RudnerI do not have a green thumb. I can’t even get mold to grow on last month’stakeout.— Johnnye Jones Gibson
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 179I consider every plant hardy until I have killed it myself.— Peter Smithers, botanist and British diplomatI belong to Gardeners Anonymous. Whenever I feel the urge to break thesoil, I call a number and a horticulturist rushes over to tie me to thetrellis. You see, I have a black thumb. I’m an Israeli in reverse: I turngardens into deserts.— Michael Feldman, Whad’ya Know?Can’t even get compost to rot . . .My ability to produce compost efficiently is way up there with my abilityto attract nesting birds. What happens when I put leaves or grass into acompost bin would surely interest scientists.Nothing happens at all. No decomposition takes place whatsoever.It’s like the moment plant matter goes in through the top everythingbecomes cryogenically frozen.— Ivor Grump, The Grumpy Gardener’s Handbook
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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Page 159 and 160: The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
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REPotted
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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