SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

226 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
cloth, the better. We recommend rubberized canvas. Hazmat suits are
highly effective.
• Then stay inside and watch TV.
RAKES
Gardeners famously leave rakes on the ground with tines upturned — only
to step on the tines in such a way as to lever the rake handle rapidly
upward, just like in the cartoons, cracking themselves on the face and
forehead.
Or else they will step directly down onto the tines, impaling their feet.
When patients arrive at ER with a line of perfectly spaced holes through
their feet, the doctors don’t even ask how it happened — especially if the
patient has dirt under the fingernails.
Smart gardening tips for RAKE SAFETY
• Avoid using rakes.
• If you must use a rake, make sure, when you lay it on the ground, that
the tines are facing up — NO, sorry! — facing down.
• When you are not using the rake, keep it carefully locked up so
children cannot get to it.
• Write your government leaders about passing common sense rake