SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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The Gardening Madness Testby Susan M. WatkinsTake this test to see if you are truly a Mad Gardener or merely an ordinaryhuman being.1. Your ideal garden is:(a) The carefully tended rose garden at Bennington-Barrington vonHereford-Hampshire Estates, Shropespume, England.(b) A neat planting of wax begonias surrounded by sterilized white gravelencirclingthe base of the central air-conditioning unit.(c) A single-file strip of marigolds and petunias mixed with red-hot pokerplants bordering your sidewalk along with Porky Pig and Minnie Mouseholding plastic whirling sunflowers with Day-Glo yellow petals and ahilarious wooden bent-over buttboard suggesting that the resident femaleis both meaty and immodest.
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 109d) All over the place in every available nook and cranny of your yard,sometimes with vegetables and flowers in the same plot, or in pots all overyour porch, or anywhere else you can possibly put some dirt.(e) Somewhere else.2. Your favorite gardening activity is:(a) Assigning the weeks pruning and lawning duties to your impeccablyattired Gardening Staff.(b) Getting the driveway hosed off before cocktail hour arrives.(c) Picking the discarded cigarette butts off the backs of your Velcro YardSheep.(d) Sidedressing the bok choy with wheelbarrow loads full of homemadecompost and observing the healthy millipede population within.(e) Huh?3. You budget your gardening expenses by:(a) Allowing your accountant to depreciate the value of your Tasmaniansoil technician’s social security payments, thus gaining annuities on theplus side of your fiscal deductions.
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
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Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
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Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
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REPotted
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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